As Long.... by onetruesmartass

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Submission Name: As Long.... dots

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Author:	onetruesmartass
ASL Info:	30/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 934/791/77
Words:	101

Class/Type:	Misc/Love
Total Views:	324
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	686

Description:
For my husband

As Long.... dots

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When the world
Pushes on my shoulders
And it gets to be too much,
I know I'll keep going
As long as he's there.

The bills pile up
While money dwindles down
And I just want to run.
I know it'll all work out
As long as he's there.

Friendships come and go
People drift in and out,
Sometimes leaving me scarred.
But I'll heal and move on
As long as he's there.

I survived before him
I'll survive without him,
One step in front of the other.
But I'll only truly live
As long as he's there.

Submitted on 2006-01-31 10:52:35 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  really nice tribute to your significant other. deft touches of humor and sentiment w/o being too gushy.
| Posted on 2006-12-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  If I hadn't read the description I would have thought you were talking about god.
The poem is a loving dedication to you husband and being a husband I can only tell you that this is awesome.
You have expressed what truely is in your heart and that is so admirable.
This is a lucky man, I am not saying am not because i am because I know my wife loves me.
Sometimes it is easier to write your feelings down than say them, but I would dare to guess that you probably don't have a problem saying them either.

Nice written

Respect and Admiration

Clyde
| Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
  Wife,

I believe that watching you grow into the poet that you are today is one of the most rewarding feelings I've ever had. It's almost like puberty (hehe, I thought you'd like that)

Yours is a lucky man, ami, just as he's lucky. Put money and stress and daily up's and down's aside and see what you've got; a wonderful husband who loves you more than breath and two beautiful daughters that have the world at their finger tips, because they know mom and dad will always be there, no matter what.
Hope to see you soon :)

Always,
~Rachel~
| Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
  An uplifting message amidst the internal strife your poem portrays. Glad there's someone there that watches out for you, as you do for him.

And I know the feeling of having all the world's burdens on your shoulders all too well... like we all do at times it seems.

Nice one Traci.
Peace,

Jase
| Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very powerful and true write where you express your love for your soulmate from the bottom of your Heart
You are both Lucky to have each other
Stay Positive
God Bless
Your Friend
Ron

Please keep in touch!
Ron
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  this was nice,, hmm shows there is love and romance that is laive and well out there...
| Posted on 2006-07-11 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this piece really hit me. Reading this was almost as if the words were coming from myself. That is how I feel about my Timothy. You know that you can conquer anything as long as you conquer it together. The last stanza is what hit me the hardest. How could we really live without them?

This was such a beautiful piece.

Brightest Blessings,
Crystal
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Traci!

This was a great piece! I cannot even begin to try competing with Mike's comment here and I must seriously be lacking an edumication...but I do know that this was very heartfelt and speaks volumes to me. Life is so much easier to bear when you have somebody real and honest to share it with-the good and the bad. I also took the last stanza to mean that if something should ever happen you would live through it and go on with life as long as he never left your thoughts, heart and such. This really says that no matter what happens in this life, he will be by your side and forever in your heart. Great job!

Candi
| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  hello Traci,

I like how you have four verses and one phrase is repeated four times believe it or not that actually means something to me, plus your hubby is on the fifth line.

~ symbolism of four~

the symbolic meanings of the number four are paralleled to those of the cross and the square. From prehistoric times the number four was used to describe something of totality as well as something solid. you have the compass with the four points north, east, west, and south. the four attributes of God describe in ancient text as man (Aquarius)=Y the lion (Leo)=H the bull (Taurus)=V and the second H the eagle which has no zodiac equivalent making YHVH of course it is according to Jewish tradition not necessarily a world wide cultural belief. There are the four phases of the moon, four archaic elements and four seasons.

~relationship to this work~

the significance to this work translates to me very effectively that this person is your world and it is complete in that respect, all you want is him to be there. Though you say in one line you survived before and you can survive after you go onto say “but I will only truly live as long as here is there.”

st1: the cares of the world often weight a person down there are many things that seem to be set in our paths as long as we have those most dear to us around our journey is much more bearable than if we had to walk the path alone. Visually in the first three lines there are things that stresses a person, then on the fourth line there is the hope, and the last what holds you.

st2: more specifically here it is written what one of those hindrances are, bills. But it is also an illustration of how things in life seem to want to upset the balance. In these two lines you have bills and the next line you have money dwindling away those are two opposites fighting each other one allocated for the other yet while one is being paid the other is dwindling. Also the feeling here of wanting to run then the next line I know it’ll all work out. Again just like the first stanza the stress 1 through 3 with three being almost a want to escape and then on the fourth the hope again even comfort almost.

st3: in the first two lines you have “come and go” then “in and out” more opposites concerning people and friends. first line are friendships then the second line they are people now here I can say two things: one is that the first ones described are friends and the second set are just people who are not really considered friends. The other way to look at this is to say the first lines are friends but after they become just people so the person can deal with losing them. The hurt often caused on the third line with healing on the fourth.

st4: here the main focus is survive, to continue living or existing though it is clear here that is it merely surviving but not truly living. So in this sense the lines one and two are actually depressing yet comforting to know that you would survive it gives off mixed feeling you want to be happy for someone in that situation but they would not be happy without the other person that completes their life.

~fifth line~

Here you have your hubby on the fifth line. well yes there is also a deep significance for that as well. It is also the center of the first nine numbers. Five is the derived it symbolism from being married to the first even and odd number after the number one which is two and three. It is a sign of marriage the Pythagorean “nuptial” number marriage between earth and the divine. Hindu’s believe it is the conjunction/marriage of two (woman) and three (man,) it is also the symbol of the human being with the head, arms, and legs. Five also stands for the five senses sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch. Also it is represented by the five pointed star.

you see Traci, I think there is more here than meets the eye. Either I am completely nuts haha or you have great depth in between these lines. I am going to have to say excellent piece,

~mike
| Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with LS. This poem speaks of a healthy love. You could survive without him.. but life is so much more worth living with him in it.
I think if we would all just take the time to stop and notice what we LOVE about others.. instead of dwelling on the bad.. then the realness of that "gift" would shine much brighter. (I'm being sappy again. That's twice today. lol)

Nice write, Traci. I enjoyed this.
~Sandra
| Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't know your husband but I can tell that he makes you happy as hell.

What I like about this the most is that it's not sappy like most on this site..so I thank you for that.

~shawn
| Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved this when you showed it to me at your house, and I've been trying to find the right words for this piece.

And it is proving very difficult as I'm sitting here listening to the boys yell, GROSS and NASTY about the Dirty Jobs, Your Choice episode. (They're playing with warm Cow shyte right now. eeeeeewwwwww!!!!!)

Now that I've made you chuckle, I'm going to let you know that I think this is one of your best pieces. The sentiment is so spot on with how I feel about the ones I love.

Spectacular piece, T,

Chell
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
  How sweet! I love this one. I can relate to this poem so much. And I have feelings for my bf just like the one spoken of in this poem. It was incrediblely romantic, soulful, and heart warming. Perfect for Valentines Day. Good work Traci!

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  See, even Dave (gasp a guy) can see what a superman that Brad Pitt looking man is...

A one in a million guy with a one in a million girl *cough* *gag*...

Your writing is above the board on this one Sweetness, you have such a way of tastefully describing your relationship and the words just sort of "melt" (no pun intended) into the reader...well this reader and one has no difficulty understanding life he brings you...

Very nicely written
L
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is REALLY good. Most love poems read pretty sappily to the rest of us, but this one is good. You note some of the things he does for you, why you appreciate him. He doesn't fix the world, he gives you the strength to deal with it. In the end you point out that you could get by without him, but not much more. To me that's shows healthy love, not some ugly addictive thing.

Darren's a lucky guy!

Steve
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  it's a beautiful thing to have such a devoted
lover and friend like this.. a soul mate.
this is a simple ode to that love that makes the
difficult times liveable.. it's comforting to know
that this type of love does exist and that we
can walk the hard times together..

sure makes life sweet..

peace,
~Cat
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this write. And its true to everyones heart that we believe we can go through anything as long as we have that one person or thing in our life. I like the last stanza best and how it talks about even with out them you will survive but that surviveing can't really be called living. The flow and rhyme is good and I love the topic, this is a good poem but I think you can make it better take it from good to great and turn it into something truly memerable.
| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
  Awwwww...nice one! Plant that Superman emblem on his chest! It so nice to have that someone there that you do. I liked the words and how you didnt have to use a whole lot of them to get the point across...and it was fun to read.

Good stuff Trabi!

| Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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