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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Issuedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyBoo
    ASL Info:    1990/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.79 - 14/10/9
    Words: 286
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 735
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1728



    Description:
       Well..tell me what I should change to make it "perfect" don't just tell me "oh its good/bad." tell me what's so good about it, or what's so bad about it..tell me what needs to go..and what should stay...oh and tell me what it conveys to you. Thanks!!!!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Issuedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This Issue I face,
    These eyes of cold unbelieving trust,
    Your eyes tell me what you do not say,
    You see it every time you look at me,
    You don't see me the same as before,
    All you see is what I am not.

    I can never be what you want,
    Or what they want,
    I can only strive to be what I want,
    I try to make all my ends meet,
    But some are still severed,
    And I have no time to connect them.

    I have hardly no time to let myself loose,
    You watch, like a hawk,
    But not for hunger, but with anger,
    You hate me for it,
    But I cannot change what I did.

    What you don't know,
    Is that I hate myself for it all,
    I cannot forget it,
    And yet I try,
    But this...you don't know.

    And if you knew,
    Your heart would still lay the same,
    Your eyes would still say,
    what you refuse to.

    Threw you do not believe,
    That I do tell the truth,
    Your lips tell me lies,
    Your eyes tell me truth,
    They seem cloudy,
    But behind the mist,
    Lies what your tongue longs to say-
    But your lips will not.

    Eyes so cold,
    Bleed forth hate,
    as thin as paper, to ones eye,
    But as thick as the vine the ties me down,
    You see not what your eyes say,
    And that's what gives it away.

    You see what I am not,
    And not what I accomplish,
    You see not my grief,
    And how I so pay.

    You are my greatest issue,
    I cannot face you down,
    Because, your thoughts too cut deep,
    To even hed.




    Submitted on 2006-01-31 18:43:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You have your head screwed on perfectly straight hunni! Wow. This piece is completely amazing. You tell them who YOU are and not what n e one else thinks! We need more people out there who can speak up! Please do not hate yourself, tho. I do not have much more to say or a bad thing to say about this piece! Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by xsweetangelkiss | [ Reply to This ]
      this was AWESOME!
    Honestly. You wanna know what's so good about it? It's true...and thoughtful...and full of emotion.
    I really liked this part:

    I can never be what you want,
    Or what they want,
    I can only strive to be what I want,
    I try to make all my ends meet,
    But some are still severed,
    And I have no time to connect them.

    it's so incredibly true, and it's what i feel also...

    I can never be what you want.
    real deep-keep it up!

    *darkwinged*
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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