[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: This Issuedots

    Author: KimmyBoo
    ASL Info:    1990/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.79 - 14/10/9
    Words: 286
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 760
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1728

       Well..tell me what I should change to make it "perfect" don't just tell me "oh its good/bad." tell me what's so good about it, or what's so bad about it..tell me what needs to go..and what should stay...oh and tell me what it conveys to you. Thanks!!!!!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Issuedots

    This Issue I face,
    These eyes of cold unbelieving trust,
    Your eyes tell me what you do not say,
    You see it every time you look at me,
    You don't see me the same as before,
    All you see is what I am not.

    I can never be what you want,
    Or what they want,
    I can only strive to be what I want,
    I try to make all my ends meet,
    But some are still severed,
    And I have no time to connect them.

    I have hardly no time to let myself loose,
    You watch, like a hawk,
    But not for hunger, but with anger,
    You hate me for it,
    But I cannot change what I did.

    What you don't know,
    Is that I hate myself for it all,
    I cannot forget it,
    And yet I try,
    But this...you don't know.

    And if you knew,
    Your heart would still lay the same,
    Your eyes would still say,
    what you refuse to.

    Threw you do not believe,
    That I do tell the truth,
    Your lips tell me lies,
    Your eyes tell me truth,
    They seem cloudy,
    But behind the mist,
    Lies what your tongue longs to say-
    But your lips will not.

    Eyes so cold,
    Bleed forth hate,
    as thin as paper, to ones eye,
    But as thick as the vine the ties me down,
    You see not what your eyes say,
    And that's what gives it away.

    You see what I am not,
    And not what I accomplish,
    You see not my grief,
    And how I so pay.

    You are my greatest issue,
    I cannot face you down,
    Because, your thoughts too cut deep,
    To even hed.

    Submitted on 2006-01-31 18:43:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You have your head screwed on perfectly straight hunni! Wow. This piece is completely amazing. You tell them who YOU are and not what n e one else thinks! We need more people out there who can speak up! Please do not hate yourself, tho. I do not have much more to say or a bad thing to say about this piece! Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by xsweetangelkiss | [ Reply to This ]
      this was AWESOME!
    Honestly. You wanna know what's so good about it? It's true...and thoughtful...and full of emotion.
    I really liked this part:

    I can never be what you want,
    Or what they want,
    I can only strive to be what I want,
    I try to make all my ends meet,
    But some are still severed,
    And I have no time to connect them.

    it's so incredibly true, and it's what i feel also...

    I can never be what you want.
    real deep-keep it up!

    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    This written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Bond written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]