FIGURING IT OUT -------------------------------------------
now that you're gone
moments keep playing over in my head
your smile
which lit the world
the way you would get my coat and keys
when we went somewhere
and how you would start the car
from the passenger side
i feel like an accident victim
with broken bones and torn flesh
something essential in me gone
heart liver spine
eyes
i still reach for you at night
miss touching you in the dark hours
and the steady rythm of your breathing
the smell of your hair
our legs tangled together under the covers
waffles and coffee after church
chardoney after midnight
i was so in love with you
god, why did you leave?
i knew you didn't feel the same
but i thought being friends was enough
you said we were good friends
but then somewhere along the way
you stopped even liking me
i knew that
but i thought if i stuck it out
if i just waited long enough
you would at least like me again
why did you leave?
I think there's a couple places where your poem could stand a bit of work.
"your smile / which lit the world" - maybe "a smile / which lit the world" would read better.
"accident victim" somehow doesn't quite sound right to me - though I can't really describe why. Sorry I couldn't be of much help on this point. (I love the last 3 lines of that stanza BTW).
S4 leaves me kind of flat. Maybe dropping a couple lines? ie:
i was so in love with you and i thought being friends was enough but somewhere along the way you lost even that
Submission Name: FIGURING IT OUT
