Description: One of my first poems of this type, as always, critique & comments wolcome!
Sea of Misery -------------------------------------------
I am the Haunted
Dead and Unwanted
Yet they follow me
Into the sea
Calling my name
Sweet Misery
They follow me
Seeking the answers
Secretly killing the masters
Behind their lies
They follow me
Into the sea
Calling my name
Sweet misery
Killing the answers killing the masters
Drowning
In a sea of dishonesty
The light is fading
Suffocating
Shrouded in deceit
I am the haunted
Dead and unwanted
Still they follow me
Into the sea
Calling my name
Sweet misery
I am the hunted
Dead and unwanted
And that is all I shall ever be
Hiding the truth inside my soul
They follow me
Into the sea
Calling my name
Sweet misery
So I let them follow
Leading them to the watery hollow
Where they now realize
That their treacherous duplicity
Has solemnly sealed their fate
They shall dwell here with me
Here in their watery grave
For all of eternity
Their great guile seal their fate
They follow me into the sea
Calling my name
Sweet Misery
I LOVE THE REPETITION. the poem is so deep and from the heart. Yes, it is dark, but it is also beautiful. Perhaps you should divide it up so it is easier for the reader to follow, sometimes it is overwhelming to see a poem so long... just a suggestion.
Great job, I like the emotion and the way you wrote using simple and repetive vocab(etc.)I find it is a little unclear with what creature(?) you are referring to, but it still works.
Good poem.It reminds me of one of the creatures I read about in cryptozoology. Where the creature lead the unsuspecting humans or whatever into the lake and then she killed them and they stayed there with her forever. I like your use of words and how the lines are short. THumbs up! inkpen
Submission Name: Sea of Misery
