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    dots Submission Name: Sea of Miserydots

    Author: Dark Muse
    ASL Info:    17/Middle of Nowhere
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 52/50/27
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 946
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1253

       One of my first poems of this type, as always, critique & comments wolcome!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSea of Miserydots

    I am the Haunted
    Dead and Unwanted
    Yet they follow me
    Into the sea
    Calling my name
    Sweet Misery
    They follow me
    Seeking the answers
    Secretly killing the masters
    Behind their lies
    They follow me
    Into the sea
    Calling my name
    Sweet misery
    Killing the answers killing the masters
    In a sea of dishonesty
    The light is fading
    Shrouded in deceit
    I am the haunted
    Dead and unwanted
    Still they follow me
    Into the sea
    Calling my name
    Sweet misery
    I am the hunted
    Dead and unwanted
    And that is all I shall ever be
    Hiding the truth inside my soul
    They follow me
    Into the sea
    Calling my name
    Sweet misery
    So I let them follow
    Leading them to the watery hollow
    Where they now realize
    That their treacherous duplicity
    Has solemnly sealed their fate
    They shall dwell here with me
    Here in their watery grave
    For all of eternity
    Their great guile seal their fate
    They follow me into the sea
    Calling my name
    Sweet Misery

    Submitted on 2006-02-01 21:07:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I LOVE THE REPETITION. the poem is so deep and from the heart. Yes, it is dark, but it is also beautiful. Perhaps you should divide it up so it is easier for the reader to follow, sometimes it is overwhelming to see a poem so long... just a suggestion.
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]

    Great job, I like the emotion and the way you wrote using simple and repetive vocab(etc.)I find it is a little unclear with what creature(?) you are referring to, but it still works.

    *Let it Flow*
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem.It reminds me of one of the creatures I read about in cryptozoology. Where the creature lead the unsuspecting humans or whatever into the lake and then she killed them and they stayed there with her forever. I like your use of words and how the lines are short. THumbs up!
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      the repition kind of drags it down a little bit, with the one part repeating constantly.

    It's not too bad, the lines are short, and most of them rhyme. But the rhyme doesn't make the poem, right?

    I am the haunted
    Dead and unwanted

    that's my favorite line.
    Good job, and keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]

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