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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nevada girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: haileebobailee
    ASL Info:    18/F/NV
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 30/41/15
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 728
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 949



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNevada girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    You said the windy city
    called to you
    as you packed
    that last suitcase
    and left your nevada girl

    After you were gone
    I painted my nails gray
    to match the sky
    how I was feeling
    and to pass the time

    I told myself
    that when it was gone
    I had to be over you

    It was raining
    the day
    that you called me

    Your nevada girl
    was different...
    and the miles between us
    seemed to strangle
    the feelings

    We wasted
    twenty seven minutes
    on small talk
    before I made
    an excuse to hang up


    I removed the nail polish
    today and one finger at
    at a time let the acitone
    wipe away your memory

    The windy city called
    to you so your nevada girl
    went her own way





    Submitted on 2006-02-02 02:38:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Sweetie, this is excellent! Definately another favorite. You have such a way with words.

    'I removed the nail polish
    today and one finger at
    at a time let the acitone
    wipe away your memory'

    so many times I've wished it to be this easy! You have the greatest imagery and talent. Please keep writing!

    Ciao,
    ~Angie
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      This was truly amazing the imagery you created was fab, no need to make it longer as you've said everything you needed to.
    Great piece, i like the fact of giving yourself mourning time 'I told myself
    that when it was gone
    I had to be over you'
    Truly great
    John
    x
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by hammyj | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful truely beautiful. i must say this was verry refreshing verry refreshing in deed. you really know just how i feel doncha any way this was good.

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      first off, i love the simplicity (by that, i mean, very crisp and clear and not bogged down by anything other than what you needed) and blatant phrases. It just comes out so clear and precise. (I hope this came out right)

    and, personally, i didn't care for the gray nail polish part until i got to the end. Wiping away the memory with acitone...that bit solidified the first part for me. brought it back. I am still on the fence about "..." being your only grammar, but that is another personal thing. i would have loved it without the pause. but it really doesn't affect the poem at all for me, just a visual thing i sometimes have.

    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by notune | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the part about the nailpolish linking to the memory of the person this is about, and i love how you call yourself Nevada girl. I think you should make it longer though, go into detail more. Nice job though:)
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem! how you used the nail polish to signify the memory and how it left you. Word usage was great too, "strangle" and "one finger at a time". Really good poem. (much better than the crap they usually have on this site)
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Atropos | [ Reply to This ]


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