at least it isn't raining she said
and then a tear fell down her face
she stared at the life that he held inside his hands
and she knew that it was hers
she knew that he would always hold her
and make her feel alone
and it made her cry
and it made her want to live in another place
where she couldn't even reach herself to die
This is very deep. I know exactly how she feels. I hate that feeling. I like this very much. I ain't got much to say though, I'm in a hyper mood, not a poetic one. Pretty, pretty poem. Write some more. I think the thought of dying alone is terribly sad. But isn't that the truth?
I really liked this. I agree that it showed very deep emotion.
she knew that he would always hold her and make her feel alone
I was wondering...does that go along with the rest of the poem to mean that the girl is in a relationship with some guy and she loves him a lot but the guy makes her feel alone and sad...but she's too afraid to leave because she loves him with all of her heart and thinks that life would be worst without him?
I'm sorry if that's not what you meant...but that's what I got out of it.
Wow, this was so deep. The ending nearly made me cry, lol, so emo, no, jk. Anyway, this was beautifully written and I want to see more of your writings, so far as I've read, you seem pretty good. I couldn't find anything wrong with it either, not original, but an original piece to an unoriginal subject. Great write.
This is a very thoughtful piece of free verse. Your use of description captured my imagination and my interest. I believe the line "she stared at the life that he held inside his hands" defines the theme and mood of the poem. I felt her pain (and relived pain from my own past) while reading this piece. Well done.
These were very deep emotions that you expressed. seemed very hopeless, the way she couldn't control her own life. I liked the first sentence especially, but the ending seemed to be a bit simple- idk i think you could have made in more intricate with some spruced up language or imagery. - over all you made me feel what the writer was feeling at the time and thats what a good poets should be able to do.