Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fallingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 741
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 394



    Description:
       "Every single living creature on earth dies alone"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    at least it isn't raining she said
    and then a tear fell down her face
    she stared at the life that he held inside his hands
    and she knew that it was hers
    she knew that he would always hold her
    and make her feel alone
    and it made her cry
    and it made her want to live in another place
    where she couldn't even reach herself to die




    Submitted on 2006-02-02 13:10:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very deep. I know exactly how she feels. I hate that feeling. I like this very much. I ain't got much to say though, I'm in a hyper mood, not a poetic one. Pretty, pretty poem. Write some more. I think the thought of dying alone is terribly sad. But isn't that the truth?
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. I agree that it showed very deep emotion.

    she knew that he would always hold her
    and make her feel alone

    I was wondering...does that go along with the rest of the poem to mean that the girl is in a relationship with some guy and she loves him a lot but the guy makes her feel alone and sad...but she's too afraid to leave because she loves him with all of her heart and thinks that life would be worst without him?

    I'm sorry if that's not what you meant...but that's what I got out of it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Short but beautiful. I like the fact that you fit so much pain and emotion into so few lines.

    "she knew that he would always hold her
    and make her feel alone"
    Those two lines appealed to me the most.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was so deep. The ending nearly made me cry, lol, so emo, no, jk. Anyway, this was beautifully written and I want to see more of your writings, so far as I've read, you seem pretty good. I couldn't find anything wrong with it either, not original, but an original piece to an unoriginal subject. Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very thoughtful piece of free verse. Your use of description captured my imagination and my interest. I believe the line "she stared at the life that he held inside his hands" defines the theme and mood of the poem. I felt her pain (and relived pain from my own past) while reading this piece. Well done.
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by lookhomeward | [ Reply to This ]
      These were very deep emotions that you expressed. seemed very hopeless, the way she couldn't control her own life. I liked the first sentence especially, but the ending seemed to be a bit simple- idk i think you could have made in more intricate with some spruced up language or imagery. - over all you made me feel what the writer was feeling at the time and thats what a good poets should be able to do.
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    89811

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    Linger written by saartha
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry