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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She loved...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: forevertorn
    ASL Info:    16.f.california
    Elite Ratio:    3.41 - 21/30/19
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 169
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 899



    Description:
       I still haven't figured out if this makes sense. I haven't gotten it yet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe loved...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She loved his eyes and his lips. She loved the way his hair fell in his face. Then, when he cut his hair, she loved the way he tried to comb it in his face, to hide himself from the world.

    She loved his calm, cool voice. And she loved his passion.

    He was stubborn, and she loved his hard-headedness. He was brash, and she loved his honesty. He was gentel, and she loved his touch.

    When he was unfair, and when he yelled at her, she listened to his voice. The excitement excited her. She loved it when he spoke to her. When he was unreasonable, and was upset with her, she watched his glassy eyes tear. The emotion moved her. She loved knowing he loved her.

    When he went away, she wanted go go with him. He wouldn't let her. He loved her, but she was too good, he said. She loved to often, she didn't hate enough.




    Submitted on 2006-02-03 11:52:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I would give more details as to the reason he left, if I'd understood why he did.
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by forevertorn | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good prose. You convey these feelings well with your words. I think you could make this one even better if you added more to it or changed it just a bit adding more descriptions and detail to what this is all about. Especially the ending. It seems like there is a lot missing there. Why did he leave? You could make this into a stronger write if you view it from the readers point of view and then add more detail so that the reader can understand it better. You capture this feeling well with your words, explaining how much she loved him. Welcome to Elite. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it.Ive seen this and Im sure many others have too.Dont let go of something you truly love nomatter what bruise becomes the effect of your faithfulness-a lesson I should have known that 3 months ago.Well keep it up,it was good.peace
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      okay I am not going to so much as critque this...becuase I did not read this as a poem but I think you should channel these feeling to make one..
    How i relate to everything you say..it is frightening the similarites I have with this poem...I had goosebumps...but in the end are they really worth all the pain they caue cuz its been 2 years and I have found someone new and it still hurts sometimes...
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]



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