Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Lovelydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sarah Leger
    ASL Info:    15.f.kissimmee,Fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.74 - 436/387/80
    Words: 189
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 1128
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1361



    Description:
       about alittle girl and her doll. Mine stayed with me for so long and when it got hard she got dirtier and dirtier til she broke. But I wasn't ready to let go. Like a security blanket. My only friend as sad as it sounds but she was there when I was crazy and my best friend when I was sane. Now she's gone but I was ready to let her go after some time. Ready to face the world on my own.

    Blessed Be


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Lovelydots
    -------------------------------------------


    pale skin
    dark eyes
    hard shell

    Don't break my lovely

    empty
    motionless
    silent

    be my friend
    in the hard cruel world
    be my friend
    when I fear
    Hold my hand
    with your imaginary smile
    Keep me still
    Keep me a child
    Lock my purity away
    Behind those hard cold eyes
    Entrap my hope
    In your hard shell
    Never to live
    Never to breathe
    Never to be

    A new day is coming

    Can't you see the change?
    Porcelin skin
    Dusty and old
    Grew beside me
    My heart you did mold
    Winter to spring
    and so on and so forth
    Clothes going-
    From majestic to rags
    Your beautiful white skin-
    Dirtied
    by the hard years
    and many times we left
    in the night
    when things went wrong

    It's been so long
    since I felt the warmth you offered
    Though your existance was so cold
    When I ran away
    You followed
    The unbreaking stare
    Looking like such a lie

    Don't break my lovely
    You still have my purity
    locked behind your porcelin skin
    Full of life
    Don't break my lovely
    It's not time




    Submitted on 2006-02-03 13:28:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm not half bad. I mean I kind of felt a lack of form but other than that it was pretty good. The imagery was great, and the sadness so real. It could have used more of a personification of the doll but thats ok. You got your point across.I know how it feels not to have any friends...and when you need one most to turn to something so in animate...but comforting at the same time....something that will run with you in the middle of the night. Helping you escape a place that you just can't live in. Good write keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... just wow. I mean this is a spectaular write, just.... yeah. It's like you painted a picture to me in this write. I know how it feels to lose something you know you have to let go of, believe me do I know... so yeah, anyway bites that I had to write this again because the first time said more... blah. THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very moving. You yearn to keep the doll because you indentify yourself through her. You are afraid and place your trust in something that can't hurt you, mistreat you, or leave. you want to cling to that little girl she remainds you of you fear you're losing with approaching adulthood. nice wording and imagery. I loved the flow as well of this poem. Great job.


    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Very well done. I love the personification.

    It says many deep things beyond the words.

    locked behind your porcelin skin

    As I read, I am thinking the poet (you) is using the poem to unveil some of those things. You are the one that loves the doll and also the doll that is loved.

    Deep and important stuff.

    good job!

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      i had something like this as well, still do have it. i have a little soft bunny that my dad sent me when i was born... he was in the marines for my younger years and i always used to take that thing everywhere...
    some people find it strange that inanimate objects can offer so much comfort to people, but i understand, hell, i still talk to my bunny sometimes. the cool thing is that they never back talk or offer snide comments, they're just there, whenever you need them.

    i'm sorry your doll broke, but i guess that's just part of growing up... leaving old comforts behind to face a new world where everything wants you to fail... not much of a trade-off if you ask me.

    wonderful piece, thanks for sharing it with us,

    -jess
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one.it reminded me off a "friend"i had but she wasnt really a friend.she was just there
    its really good
    continue writing...
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by LostInYerTears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    89952

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry