Maybe I'll Just Leave... -------------------------------------------
Everything is fine
and yet I still find it in me to complain.
What's wrong with me?
I'm scared half to death
When I know I'll get through it
So why am I worried?
Is the fact that I have to tell?
That I HAVE to be the one who sits her down
and says that her dreams for me have been crushed
Is that what scares me?
Or is it the look on her face
The look she'll give me when she knows who I am
and what I've done to be here?
Will she then believe what my cousins hinted at?
Will she know that the stories of drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes are true?
That the long weekends and tired Mondays and random vomitting are due to the life I led?
Or is it how she'll treat me after?
How she'll look at me when I'm with him?
Is it that I know she'll never want me to be around him again?
That when this is finally over it will never be over?
Or the fact that we finally got on our feet and my choice is going to knock us off again?
I've been the cause of her trouble before
and I remember how she looked at me back then
before all the jobs
and before all the money I gave her for bills
I remember how she looked at me when we had no home because I was the reason she couldn't get a man to take care of her.
Am I going to go back to those blank stares, late nights, empty stomachs, and tears of hatred?
I hope not.
I'll leave if I have to....
I don't know where I'll go
or what I'll do to get there
but I'll leave.
BUt why don't I believe that I will?
Is it because no matter how bad she treats me I'll stay?
Because of Robin
Because that's what she did and I can't do that
Even though I can't bear the looks
I also can't bear the lack of them
Because I can imagine the tears she'll shed when I'm missing.....
and it hurts so bad either way.
Maybe I won't tell her
and I'll just leave.
Maybe she isn't worth the trouble.
After all I'm allowed to now.
But I have no money, no job, and no place to go...
I'm so without.
But I have so much.
I'm curious to know ...did you tell her??? did you walk???
me being a mother I would want to know...i wouldnt want my daughter to be suffering in silence...i would want to help her over come her shadows...after all its call unconditional love for a reaon...
there was one line in here that just struck me as "hell to the no!" and that was "I remember how she looked at me when we had no home because I was the reason she couldn't get a man to take care of her."
That just tugged at my heart because no woman should ever put a man abover her own...nor should she need someone to take care of things she can do herself...
my thoughts and prayers are definetely with you...much of luck...
This was more a mental converstation going on, not quite a poem, so it's hard to critique this. These are your personal feelings, and it looks like you are weighed down with guilt and fear. I hope you find the anwsers you need and things come together for you. I can say walking away do not seem like a option for you have ne means to survive. If you run away from this, you will run for the rest of your life. Do you have good pair of running shoes? Something to think about in addition to your current thoughts.
Sometimes I can read between the lines, and sometimes I can't see something staring me right in the face. In this case, I feel like I don't have enough information to go on. All I can say is to wait and see how things turn out before you just walk away. It might not turn out as bad as you thought/think.