Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bitterbuddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shatila
    ASL Info:    17/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    4.87 - 67/56/13
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 276
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 690



    Description:
       n-n-not g-g-good e-e-enough.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBitterbuddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking toward the table
    that was made to seat two,
    I recall all
    the fine dishes and wines
    your contemptuous tongue
    has grazed for so,
    so long.
    And as if they
    werent already
    delightful enough,
    the scrumptious pastries that come after.
    Sweets whose names,
    one actually bothers to remember.
    Your face greets me with
    much appetite,
    that which I have lost somewhere
    in the gaps between stove
    and table.

    I
    walk faster,
    and I
    refuse to look down
    and see
    if this lone soup I hold
    is by far
    becoming any less thick.




    Submitted on 2006-02-03 16:12:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a most interesting poem. I really like the metaphor here and the fact that you dont give away the poems true meaning in your description. It allows the reader to think and ponder, to come to their own conclusions which is great. To me, this reads as a relationship gone wrong. The person you speak of is in a relationship meant for two (hence the table) and all the fine dinnerware, desserts and such are metaphors for other woman who tantilize your man. The references to the soup at the end here is really good. It adds more depth to an already deep thought provoking poem. This is a very sad write and I am so sorry you had felt this way. You deserve better. I hope my interpretation isnt too far off the mark, but as I interpret this, it is really very good. Nice write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very decsprictive of view of loneliness.
    It seemes that you have created in your mind a senario of your life is like a bad dinner date. It seems like you are talking about a man at times. It was the bowl of soup that told me she was not having a fancy meal, but daydreaming maybe. Well this was a very interesting read. Great write.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel the lonliness of this piece. It becons to me to fall into the mind of the creator and search for the cause and it makes me appreciate the people I have around me. I love this piece!

    Loveage,
    Mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      "has grazed for so, /so long." The rhythm here is perfect. I loved the pause between the so's.

    "the scrumptious pastries that come after./ Sweets whose names,/ one actually bothers to remember." I don't know why but these lines didn't seem to flow with the poem.

    I did love the extended metaphor. It keeps the reader hooked and just creates that "wow" moment at the end when the reader finally gets the chance to think about it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Janelle | [ Reply to This ]
      In this I see a loneliness a blank emptyness not boldly stated but tied intricatly and beautifully into a poem of bitterness and contempt. I see that you were hurt by someone that you still miss even after what they did to your heart. If thats not what you meant to be seen then please explain it to me.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm..this made me think...I like to interpet things myself...I have trouble with this one though it seems so obscure..if possibly you have a moment i would like to know where the inspiration for this poem comes from..
    :)
    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmmm...I'll take a shot in the dark. It is an abusive relationship-not physically but more through the one's neglect and uncaring nature. "I" in this poem has lived a lifetime doing and caring for and the other has overlooked it all. The soup threw me off. But perhaps it is the metaphor of thinning patience and love. Very good, and an excellent challenge that I would say I still haven't quite mastered.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Dark_Dancer | [ Reply to This ]
      Welcome to Elite! I enjoy a challenging piece and one that is unique - I will have to further examine this piece though to capture "ITs" meaning metaphorically.
    Table for two seemed like it was referring to some sort of relationship & something happened - like cheating or ? And the soup well, maybe as giver suggested blood?
    Clue me in. I like being stumped!
    Well done & welcome!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smiles 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, interesting poem. It's a tough one to work out. I am impressed by your use of metaphors, but I am stranded in this huge lake of confusion. PLEASE pm me and let me know what the poem is about. I actually like the poem, but I have a feelin if you describe it I'll love it more.
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by sapphire109 | [ Reply to This ]
      ..This sort of sonfuses me.In a way, it sort of reminds me of some of Kurt Cobains songs.(beating around the bush and not really understandable)In others, it seems you're just talking about food and how someone cares enough to remember their favourite dish.I'm guessing but the soup you're refering to, is that blood..?

    This confuses me.Maybe reading it over a couple times and editing will help out.Also, maybe not so many "enters".
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by giver_of_death | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.