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    dots Submission Name: Succubusdots

    Author: xeternalshadowx
    ASL Info:    17/m/pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    4.72 - 121/137/55
    Words: 573
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Dark
    Total Views: 988
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3901

       a dramatically reworked version of my original song Nightmare V: Succubus. i think its easier to read and is better, but thats my personal opinion. as always, bash to your hearts desires

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    A ransacked Eden bellows from an operatic swansong:
    The final aria abreast the fate of men.
    Absinthe swashed unto an unearthed grave
    Of her love, endearment of faith,
    The sadist razor thats sought.
    Blessed is, behalf of his devil's delight,
    The black lotus.

    Upon a blanket of stars painted on a midnight canvas,
    Capsized crosses mark a change in reality,
    Sporadic nature brings a new kind of bestiality.
    Incandescent morals in a maelstrom of flavors
    Project the halcyon features of her porcelain beauty.
    The prostitution of kindred spirits under her jurisdiction;
    Within Eve an aberration takes form.

    Necrosis from a feral wraith with morbid threads
    Adulated with litanies, but no avail.
    Dumbfounded by frivolous mockeries,
    Yet cordially reverred by the duality of saints and sinners.
    The pestilence grows not from especial loneliness
    But from overdose of desire.

    Dreams do shatter in her wake.


    Something told in the wrath of Judgment,
    Another nail marks a similar bane.
    Through Babylon, screams become martyrs;
    Immolation below splattered stars.

    [ See through the night,
    The truth left behind.
    Run your fingers through her hair
    And touch the divine of her light:
    A demon's kiss right by her side.
    When all dreams left are written in blood,
    God himself may cry...

    Waiting, waiting.
    Connoisseur of the finest troup,
    Left hand of thunder, right hand of truth.
    My devil's whore lays upon the bedspread of bat wings,
    Eyes shift to dunes and among, among our black saints.

    Our dawn of new endeavor...

    Leered into an abyss womb,
    The sacrifice vainly ignorant shows certain veracity.
    On a bed of nails with a crown of thorns on my chest;
    Your inner thoughts, tantalized.
    Within darkness, the parade marches on
    Inside a level of consciousness unattainable
    By constraints of the feeble human mind.]

    Unfaithful eyes stare back from a meaningless reflection,
    Vile truth that memory fails to serve well.
    Your poisonous pheremones feed the nemesis inside.
    My succubus, this euphoria is wrapped in Christ's blood.



    And when I dream,
    Abominations seed parts from its putrid remains:
    But a beast stripped of pious virtues,
    Insubordinate at Lucifer's disdain.
    In this war promulgating lust and greed,
    Depravation is a final solution
    Harbingering the birth of Hell once more on Earth.
    Omerta failed and boundaries breached,
    Is this the beginning or the end?

    The moon rises up while the truth is forgotten.
    One last drink before one last trip into the incision,
    Death has swift wings and tracks my cobblestone path.
    I stand alone before her sanguine blight;
    Kissing the cross and words bled dry.

    Future matrimony from entrails of latter day saints,
    The beast awakens from the enslave of God:
    But a frozen moon chronicle of the virgin’s cunt.
    Bastard son of her white swollen throat
    Beating upon lust and gorgon scourge.


    “Black moon, Lilith, Sister darkest,
    Whose hands form the hellish mire,
    At my weakest, at my strongest,
    Molding me as clay from fire.
    Black moon, Lilith, Mare of Night,
    You cast your litter to the ground
    Speak the Name and take to flight
    Utter now the secret sound!”

    Submitted on 2006-02-03 20:37:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The legend of Lilith, first wife of Adam, cast out of Eden, later, wife to Cain (possibly?), mother of all vampires. Succubus! There is no certainty of her existence. It is legend and that is all. You have used that legend to build your tale of erotic lust and violence. Your use of words is powerful, almost overwhelming at times, but that is fine. The tale gets unclear in some parts:

    "Something told in the wrath of Judgement,
    Another nail marks a similar bane.
    Through Babylon, screams become martyrs:
    Immolation below splattered stars."

    I think it would be more palatable and, thus, draw a larger readership, if you had said say "Sacrifice" in place of "Immolation". I do not want you to dumb-down your works, only to offer less-obscure vocabulary to entice a wider audience.

    You have portrayed one version of Lilith's legend very well. You have given life to the Succubus portion of her tale. Your details of this dark-side persona are accurate and enticing. I enjoyed reading this and will return soon to feast on more of your writings.

    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your vocabulary. There is alot of referring to biblical characters here. There is alot of symbolism. It's another excellent piece. A succubus... Something beautiful, yet evil...
    ~le beau vide
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by lebeauvide | [ Reply to This ]
      a definite vocab workout for most people. good use and choice of words.

    the succubus is something both beautiful yet evil which in real life is impossible for both to be used together for there is no beauty in evil, just a heart like granite where lava flows as blood feasting on the suffering of others

    about Lucifer, it's not actually another name for Satan but it's actually some dude from Babylon, a king or something but the name has now been stuck with him

    good and interesting to say the least, write
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by dax | [ Reply to This ]
      You obviously have an enormous vocabulary as well as a knowledge of literature and symbolism, but many if not most of your allusions are not clear enough for the reader to grasp, they remain opaque and therefore not easy to relate to on an emotional level. This is not to say that the poem isn't compelling; in fact it is almost hypnotic. What I think it is about is a sexual experience that was very powerful and reached into the very marrow of your being, and at the same time frightening and even seems to have had a demonic dimension to it. At the same time you seek reassurance that there was something positive and good happening that you want confirmed by the person with whom you had sex, and who will help remove the dark side of the experience.
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by robbie111999 | [ Reply to This ]

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