You are the crumples to my shirts,
the untyings to my shoes,
the rips to my jeans.
You make my life so hard,
yet so beautiful and stylish.
| Wow... this is a rad piece right here!|
I love this piece.
Despite the fact that it's short, the simplicity of the piece really makes it impacting! Again, the imagery really helps to connect with the piece as a whole.
It reminds me of my past lover. ...actually, a lot of things remind me of him, but whatever.
Seriously, at times it was so incredibly difficult to love him, to remain by his side. However, it was also the greatest most beautiful thing in my world. His body might be gone... but he will never feel me.
Especially now, it is increasingly difficult to continue loving him. Not a day goes by that I regret my love though.
Oh, I was meaning to ask you this earlier, but it slipped my mind. Since you asked me... are you a fan of TJT?
|| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by purely_complex | [ Reply to This ] || This reminds me of a friend of mine. She alwasy writes cute little letters to things like 'the dryer' or her car, and they always have this ironic appreciation met with a pesimistic repetition of their task. For that, I love you for writing this! I haven't seen her in almost a year because I left for college... you would love her, I can tell already. |
|| Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ] || this is a nice little poem. i really like the idea. but what i find when i right short poems is that you have to make every word count to get your point across. so if it were me, i might change the third line a little, and think of another word for "so" that adds emphasis instead of just italicizing it. i would also try something other then the word "hard". it's just such of broad term you know. if it were me i'd bust out the thesaursus and try to find a word with more of a punch. it's amazing the differant things and ways to present a poem you can think of just by looking up a word in a thesaurus, at least it think so. |
but the poem is deffinatly good. i would say its still above average the way it is right now, so nice job.
|| Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ] || I get from this poem that a parent possibly in everyway possible causes some kind of disorder in your life like the trends you listed and then when you look closely you see it's all not so bad. It's even accpetable like a treand, that is normally a no-no. Simple, and to the point. Nice work.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ] || Delightful in its simplicity.|
Deep in its feeling.
Great images and metaphors.
You are the crumples to my shirts
love can be messy
the untyings to my shoes
love opens us
the rips to my jeans
opening to love can be painful
You make my life so hard,
yet so beautiful and stylish
in the end it is worth the effort and is beautiful
|| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ] || Another writer who dares to brave the theme of laundry, the final frontier of poetry. It's a lonely club we have. I must say, yours is a bit more elegant. And of course it explores one more area of fitting in, without saying so. I like it.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ] || This is a very interesting metaphor you have here. I like it. You speak of all the drabs and problems with the clothing you wear, and those damn shoe laces that never seem to stay tied...I never understood why some shoe laces always untie themselves. Some sort of evil conspiracy or something hahaha! Just like them socks that constantly fall down inside your shoe...ohhhh I hate that. Anyway, this is a good poem. All of the things that make life difficult can also make life worthwhile. A very good message you have put in your words. Very nice. Welcome to Elite. Take care.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ] || This is an interesting write|
I really like how you gave life to an inadament object
Very Nicely Done
And Welcome to Elite Skills
I hope this site brings you all the joy it has brought me
Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
|| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] || Few words you have used here, but the meaning and essence behind them is immense. Very effective and very good - well done.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ] |