Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The true hell


Author: Duke Medhat
ASL Info:    21/Male/Egypt
Elite Ratio:    5.08 - 58 /38 /24
Words: 88
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1277
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 573



Description:


Those theocrats (especially Islamic theocrats) always speak about the hell in the other world. Till the turned our society to the true hell....


The true hell



The only word that theocrats can tell
"Sinful and will send you to hell"
Denying human freedom, for God's will
Turning our society to a true hell

Imposing scarf on girls, for the heaven
Tabooing love as if it is sin
They froze their brains, for God forgiven
Even singing for them is great sin

Bank profits for them is prohibited money
Terrifying people by stores, seem very funny
After that all; any free man will insist
Yours is the true hell, not the rest




Submitted on 2006-02-04 08:19:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  it really expressed a lot of anger for your hell. It had simple rhymes but deep meaning. I liked it. You could work on the flow, thats about it.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by SinCeer05 | [ Reply to This ]
  Honestly, I really liked this. I think that this is one of the best poems you have written. I loved the flow, the rythme, and the fact that I haven't read anything like it until now. I'm astonished, and I really don't have anything else to say except for GREAT WORK!
Alyssa
| Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
  I guess this just goes to show how differently people view things in this world. I think it's horrible how Islamic women are treated/viewed and otherwise. They are property and not anything more in my eyes. Not to offend anyone, but from what I've been taught they really have no rights and a lot of them are treated horribly. So, I'm not speaking from any kind of experience and I suppose some may call me ignorant and I guess I would be on this subject.

Anyways, enough with that and onto your write...it was very well said. I would consider it being hell if I had to remain hidden from the rest of the world around me. The first stanza kind of threw me off a bit, but I liked what you had to say. Keep it up!

Candi
| Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  ..This sort of confuses me.I can't really get the main point other then people are doing wrong against what God would want, so they are going to hell.Either that or their life is falling apart and they live in hell already.

Last verse sticks out because your pattern was ABCB but then it changes to AABB...Maybe pick a different word to rhyme with instead of the same one for the first two stanzas.Great write...It motivates me to write one too..so Good job for that..Just edit a bit.Write on!
| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by giver_of_death | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



90037