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    dots Submission Name: I See You Lookingdots

    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 596


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI See You Lookingdots

    The night has eyes and so does the sky
    Watching and watching over me

    Their staring is never ending.
    I am looking back.

    In kind behind I find God's mind.
    Watching and watching over me

    Yes, I feel the lingering look.
    The all of life is a small hall.

    Your eyes are sky filled by sunlight.
    Watching and watching over me

    No intrusion is intended,
    just watching you watch.

    It appears tonight God's eyes are on loan to you.
    Watching and watching over me

    Submitted on 2006-02-04 11:08:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      There are some killer lines in this piece, starting with "The night has eyes and so does the sky". Wow, great use of multiple levels to punctuate your point.

    I'm really into the repetitive use of "Watching" as a carrying theme. "Their eyes Were Watching God" kept popping into my head, but I really see the uniquness of your piece. Well done!

    Thanks for sharing,

    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this poem..i liked the eternal rhyme of the first line...it allowed it to flow together...at first i didn't like the line "watching and watching over me" i had thought it redundant...but the more i read, the more it seemed to fit..so i liked it...but i wonder if somehow, there is a more effecient way to introduce that...well i doubt it...i still like the way you did it. good job.
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by Meotoko | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. the repetition is especially effective. ironic how it was about watching over you and then no one even looked at it. I am glad I did though. it's a very neat poem. I especially like the first line:

    The night has eyes and so does the sky

    you could go in so many directions from that one line.
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

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