Description: i wrote this when i was w/mi friend and her b/f one night i was outside whilst they were together inside....silence is golden but ducktape is silver
Silence is golden -------------------------------------------
a long sudden pause
death arrives
beating a rose
with bleeding surprise
a long silence hushes the trees
a silence as cold as night
begins to emerge from a silent chill
bloody silence fills the mist filled air
with bitter whispers you begin to hear
the silence is golden the air is clear
silence is bleeding
screaming in despair
trees whisper in an ancient tongue of old
causing people to stop and shiver asif bitten by the cold,
silence is something we all should be
keep the secrets hidden inside
dont tell anything
for silence is golden
keep it all quiet
hide all the pain
silence should be cherished
silence should be held
silence is golden
so never tell.
this is average, the meter is ok, in the line where you use the word fills twice, you may want to look into find another word for mist so you don't repeat a word in the same line, check out thesaurus.com for some ideas. other than that, it is not bad, pretty good for your age.
This poem is one of my favorites of the night, to write of silence as if you know it so well is impressive.I once tried to be silent with the one I love but it only hurt us both...sorry about that, anyways,the poem is well written and don't mind the spelling errors it happens. Keep up the good work.
I do have to agree that silence is something to be chersished especialy since the world we live in doesnt have enouph of it. The flow isnt off at all and it is almost lyrical, I like the smooth transition from one stansa to the next. Great write you are becoming one of my favorite poets around here.
OOOH this is my favorite part of the poem. I love the personification and the oxymoron in these two lines. I can see that you will be in a great writing career on day. Keep Rocking, Mike
Submission Name: Silence is golden
