Make It Stop! -------------------------------------------
Fear shrieks as it is bowed across the violence.
This dissonance awakens dissidents
writhing in pain and screaming, "Make it stop!"
Pull the power chord.
Let the concert hall fall dim
The orchestration of war
deserves no ovation or encore.
No longer lift a bic to their battle ballads.
The abuse is sharp enough to penetrate
to the softest part of our souls.
So we disband that symphony
and replace it with the harmony
of empathy and write
a new song in the key of love.
played by veteran players
and precocious phenoms
I really like this I take this write as speaking your view on our current situation in Iraq I too have my views Though I agree with you that we are as humans trying to convey peace I also believe there is a reason for us being in Iraq and I believe we are fighting for peace over there as well I know my opinion may get slammed by a lot of people but i ask you one question When is the last time we opened fire first on the Iraqis It wasnt recently it was when we were at war We have to realize there is no longer a war there we are fighting for peace Again this is just my opinion God Bless Your Friend Ron
Very strong voice here, almost a comfortable merge of rage and pulpit lecture. Groovy.
There was one line that seemed to rub the wrong way, and that was: "This dissonance awakens dissidents" Nice play on meaning, but the similarity to vocalization leaves it flat. Poetry is meant to be an audible art primarily, either out loud or in the reader's head. The play on words leaves a bit to be desired. It is clever, and well used, but the sound is flat.
Great use of heavier words, i orchestration, ovation, penetrate. The use really brings home the signifigance and weight of your voice. Bravo;)
At first, I was wondering why would you eve sit through a bad concert...then I got it! We all are the band. the world leaders or the conductors and unless we work in harmony, we will always clash and make horrible music socially. Well, that was my guess at it. It's been awhile since I commented on your work it seems. I loved this! this is a fav. the entire poem was perfect to me. You created a fine poem.
this is so very powerful, Chrys. i sit here with my jaw on the floor.. your opening line reads like a shriek from a violin, as the bow touches it. your orchestration of war is incredibly vivid, the dissonant sounds of the symphony..
So we disband that symphony and replace it with the harmony of empathy and write a new song in the key of love. played by veteran players and precocious phenoms of peace
amen, my friend. i'm at a loss.. so i'll tuck this into my favorites..
all i have to say about this piece is "right on..." but sense longer more indepth comments are encoraged here, i will also say that the choice of words is great and it sounds beautiful, yet it is such a dreary topic... and the music anology is a very cool as well. very creative.
Excellent piece you have here. Very articulate, the way you compared war and peace to a concert. My favorite part is:
Pull the power chord. Let the concert hall fall dim The orchestration of war deserves no ovation or encore. No longer lift a bic to their battle ballads.
The whole poem oozes with strength and wisdom, but it is especially in this part that the reader truly connects with your piece, the imperativeness here very much works, effectively appalling him with the powerful statements you have created, thus making this part the most kinetic in your piece. Nice work too, ending the poem with the word PEACE, after all the necessary, indignant cries you were emanating at the top of your lungs, very audible in the gaps between every word. It succeeds in being well-meaning, despite the constant aggravation about war and everything ugly that's happening around us. Very good. Beautiful piece!