Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Make It Stop!dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 711
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMake It Stop!dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fear shrieks as it is bowed across the violence.
    This dissonance awakens dissidents
    writhing in pain and screaming, "Make it stop!"

    Pull the power chord.
    Let the concert hall fall dim
    The orchestration of war
    deserves no ovation or encore.
    No longer lift a bic to their battle ballads.

    The abuse is sharp enough to penetrate
    to the softest part of our souls.
    So we disband that symphony
    and replace it with the harmony
    of empathy and write
    a new song in the key of love.
    played by veteran players
    and precocious phenoms
    of peace




    Submitted on 2006-02-04 13:57:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this
    I take this write as speaking your view on our current situation in Iraq
    I too have my views
    Though I agree with you that we are as humans trying to convey peace I also believe there is a reason for us being in Iraq and I believe we are fighting for peace over there as well
    I know my opinion may get slammed by a lot of people but i ask you one question
    When is the last time we opened fire first on the Iraqis
    It wasnt recently it was when we were at war
    We have to realize there is no longer a war there
    we are fighting for peace
    Again this is just my opinion
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Very strong voice here, almost a comfortable merge of rage and pulpit lecture. Groovy.

    There was one line that seemed to rub the wrong way, and that was:
    "This dissonance awakens dissidents"
    Nice play on meaning, but the similarity to vocalization leaves it flat. Poetry is meant to be an audible art primarily, either out loud or in the reader's head. The play on words leaves a bit to be desired. It is clever, and well used, but the sound is flat.

    Great use of heavier words, i
    orchestration, ovation, penetrate. The use really brings home the signifigance and weight of your voice. Bravo;)

    Thanks for sharing,

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      At first, I was wondering why would you eve sit through a bad concert...then I got it! We all are the band. the world leaders or the conductors and unless we work in harmony, we will always clash and make horrible music socially. Well, that was my guess at it. It's been awhile since I commented on your work it seems. I loved this! this is a fav. the entire poem was perfect to me. You created a fine poem.


    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so very powerful, Chrys. i sit here with
    my jaw on the floor.. your opening line reads
    like a shriek from a violin, as the bow touches it. your orchestration of war is incredibly
    vivid, the dissonant sounds of the symphony..

    So we disband that symphony
    and replace it with the harmony
    of empathy and write
    a new song in the key of love.
    played by veteran players
    and precocious phenoms
    of peace

    amen, my friend. i'm at a loss.. so i'll tuck this into my favorites..

    this is excellent.
    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      all i have to say about this piece is "right on..." but sense longer more indepth comments are encoraged here, i will also say that the choice of words is great and it sounds beautiful, yet it is such a dreary topic... and the music anology is a very cool as well. very creative.

    peace.
    meredith.
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent piece you have here. Very articulate, the way you compared war and peace to a concert. My favorite part is:

    Pull the power chord.
    Let the concert hall fall dim
    The orchestration of war
    deserves no ovation or encore.
    No longer lift a bic to their battle ballads.

    The whole poem oozes with strength and wisdom, but it is especially in this part that the reader truly connects with your piece, the imperativeness here very much works, effectively appalling him with the powerful statements you have created, thus making this part the most kinetic in your piece. Nice work too, ending the poem with the word PEACE, after all the necessary, indignant cries you were emanating at the top of your lungs, very audible in the gaps between every word. It succeeds in being well-meaning, despite the constant aggravation about war and everything ugly that's happening around us. Very good. Beautiful piece!
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90061

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry