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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Two Thousand Miles' Changedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Chihuahuii
    ASL Info:    16/f/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    3.65 - 75/90/36
    Words: 239
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 287
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1639



    Description:
       I just recently had to move from my family, friends and home in Ohio to California. I had eight days to say goodbye to everyone I knew and enter into the strange, strange world of the Bay Area. These are my thoughts on the people I left behind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTwo Thousand Miles' Changedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'd wanted to
    Piece together time,
    String every zone into unity
    And make them mine
    So I would never
    Call to find
    I'd woken someone up
    In the middle of the night.

    I've wanted to
    Collapse the vast abyss of space,
    Forbid ten thousand miles
    To keep me from
    A warm embrace, my hand
    So yearned to sip
    Across the curvings of
    A loving face.

    Floodlights bleed the tunnels orange
    And deep blue skies
    From morning's eyes
    Contrast more than ever before.
    That face could be anyone's,
    Anyone's at all
    In this station of a thousand loves,
    Airport of a million dreams
    Not a day expired
    That did not see
    A casualty
    Of life or love or liberty...
    Or colder yet, all three.

    But as for me,
    Sitting in the fray and watching
    Clouds and planes in the land of the free,
    You can send me away
    And I'll still be the same old me.

    The earth may shake
    And hearts may shift
    And friends in high places
    Succumb to a rift
    And hell freezes over
    And death and disorder
    Surround my own quarters
    But I promise, I
    Will always survives
    And save the last moment
    To smile
    And watch you smile back
    Like we used to
    So recently, long ago...

    But the question is this:
    If I left you behind,
    Will I see you again,
    Or will change make you dead
    To me?




    Submitted on 2006-02-04 16:47:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very beautifully written.

    The imagery is visually strong in lines like:

    Floodlights bleed the tunnels orange
    And deep blue skies
    From morning's eyes
    Contrast more than ever before.


    I wouldnt change anything. Good luck with your writing... and finding yourself in California!

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]
      Very cool free form, it flows well and breathes even better. Great heavy iconography, "earth, floodlights, etc."

    Ending with a question is if'y... I think this particular write could really be punched up with a solid conclusion or epiphany. Only my two centsm though.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a beautiful poem.. how difficult to leave
    friends and family and embark on a new adventure, especially in the Bay Area! i lived
    in Berkeley for almost 20 years, it's quite another
    world!

    i loved your opening verse, because time zones
    are so frustrating when we are trying to connect with loved ones elsewhere in the world.

    interesting question in your last line.. people come and go in our lives for different reasons.
    separation can make the heart grow fonder or
    it can be the end of a relationship. one never knows until it happens.

    enjoy your time in the Bay Area, and the people
    you left behind who are truly family and friends
    will survive with you..

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to being homesick and making a two thousand mile trip myself. Actually I move back and forth every few years. I hope soon you adjust to the bay area. I found one typo, piece, I think you meant peace for your line of the poem. This had a good flow. And you expressed yourself pretty well in this. Good job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I sincerely loved your poem. You have accomplished to bring the piece and the reader together in one similar void, and yet still succeeding in making the reader feel alien to a different world (as is in your poem.) Amazing! Your description really helped me grasp the poem fully, and with pleasure. The first stanza is amazing, a great start to a poem greater than a new life! The emotions inscribed in your words are very very clear, very accurate, despite the layers within statements. I am impressed by your work. It is a very real poem, to the core! And there aren't a lot of that around. Congratulations and looking forward to more.
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      very neat write. it's hard being away from your family but did you know it's snowing here and you're so much better off where you're at? ha! and they won't forget you, nor you them. keep up your spirits! it only gets worse.
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]



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