This is a good poem. I like the shower metaphor here and the irony of coming clean is really very good. Ya know, it is an odd little phrase "to come clean". Just as you have said here so very well, it does leave you [censored] filthy doesnt it? I guess we use opposites a lot to describe actions and the way you have approached this one in this poem is a really good thought. I didnt have any problem understanding what you are saying and you make such a good point with this. Very good poem. Take care.
I do agree with the others who have commented on this piece of yours... It conveys a powerful message, which is very true! I also agree that using the curtain was a good fairly solid way of getting the idea across.
However, just as the last comment stated from sierramuse8... I am having trouble undering what the "odorless fuel" is within the piece. I don't know, maybe I'm just slow or simply can't understand. Other than that one thing... You have once again impressed me with your talent in writing.
I enjoyed this piece. The imagery it created for me really helped in connecting to the intensity of it as a whole.
I understand what you are trying to say and the images and word choices are very good, but I still am not quite understanding this:
the odorless fuel it runs on
what is it?
still I like the overall effect of the poem. coming clean can be difficult and it may make you feel filthy by what is revealed yet in the long run the act of coming clean usually cleanses.
I think this was some good writing, but I am clueless as to what you mean. I don't know if you are saying the ssecrets will come out or already out because of the curtain...and why the curtain, because it collects dirt and dust? Or hides prying eyes from seeing inside? Well, you do have a way with words. It was fun to read.
i can see how comparing it to a curtain would show what you mean. that was brilliant. but i think the last line isn't needed. it kinda killed the poem for me, i dont mean to sound rude, but it kinda did. but thats just what i think, its not important. good job, this was good. take care.
I like the poem... I believe it's originial and unique you don't see that very often. I'am a lil confuse of what is it about. Although I have concluded some things, I think it's a metaphorical poem involving life,sin and how [censored] up the world can be and how things are not what the seem at times.
if I have said it once I will say it twice, i love originality and this was one of the most orginal pieces I have read. In a way the message is almost profound by far this is my favorite stanza
In time, the odorless fuel it runs on is the same thing that stains all it has accomplished.
this was just lovely...I found nothing i would change
See, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I don't understand it at all. The only thing I see is a yellowed shower with bad pipes. Is there a deep metaphorical meaning behind this like Meredith suggests? Or is the shower itself meaningful? Like you identify the shower with this place? Or maybe...
Is the bathroom symbolic of life? Like how everything gets nasty sometimes, and you gotta clean it? But today it's nice. Today is a good day. Like that?
Fantastic- excellant wording. I always enjoy seeing wording arranged uniquely. This was definatly unique and masterfully done. I am throughly impressed with your talent.
your friend ben
"In the soil of very worn curtains".. That is a fantastic line. I can see it clearly.
wow. i absolutely love this. first off i'm a sucker for short meaningful poems. second the poem is one big metaphor that i can deffinately relate to. i cannot find anything that stands out as bad in this poem at all. and those last 4 lines-amazing. great job.
Submission Name: Taking A Shower
