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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fragment of Your Imaginationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nightxassassin
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 51/43/26
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 207
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       looking for nothing.....

    ~Audrey


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFragment of Your Imaginationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her wings kiss the air,
    like the angel she is,

    She interpertes your dreams,
    like the crafter she thinks,

    With a whisp from her lungs,
    your dreams will be big

    Crushing reality,
    like a small twig

    She hides in the creavise,
    inside of your room

    You may not know shes there,
    You may not see her searching eyes

    Shes waiting for the day,
    to become bigger than big

    Shes waiting for the day to steal the things that matter most to us

    Shes (its)waiting for the day to be more than a fragment of your imagination,
    waiting for the day to more than a dream......


    ~audrey




    Submitted on 2006-02-04 16:51:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      all in all, you have done good job with imagery. I'm not sure what the angels waiting for, but all of the poem other than what the previous posts said was pretty good. Reading becomes enjoyable when you have something like this.

    Candale-Switch
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Candale-Switch | [ Reply to This ]
      This was intresting and I liked how the imagry was so easy to follow yet had a unique sense to it...I dunno it seemed almost dream like...sorry I'm usually better at comments than this but I liked this one and I hope to read more from u soon.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      You may want to fix some typos/errors in your poem:

    She interpertes your dream (interprets)
    She hides in the creavise (crevice)
    waiting for the day to more than a dream.....(^be more)

    Anyway, I think yor poem is adorable, but you might want to re-edit some parts because there are some that flow (the first parts) and some that just don't roll (the parts leading to the ending.) but besides that your poem has well-captured innocence to it! Nice job. Good luck!
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      S3L2, may have better rhythm if "will become" became "will be" or "become".

    Your second from last line (she's waiting...) is a bit clunky - perhaps drop "beings".

    I think your premis is interesting and I tend to like terse presentations such as you have. Hope this helps.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]



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