Description: A question to anyone that reads this, Is it easier to read my poems if they are written in stanzas like this or should I keep them out? I generally leave them as they are written. But yea, I just wrote this one out of passion... thinking about a certain someone. Any help is welcome.
Words -------------------------------------------
I can't seem to put into words
Exactly how I feel about you
Because none are strong enough
To quite describe the situation
But I'm trying, trying to show you
Just how much you mean to me
Don't actions speak louder than words?
I guess you still don't understand
That the sound of your voice is like
A gentle breeze over a summer sunset
And your touch is like warm rain
On a cool spring evening under the stars
But I don't think that's quite enough
To tell you just how strong this feeling is
So let me try once more
The mere thought of you brings a feeling to my heart
Much like a high tide pushed by the radiant moon
And it warms my whole body like a sunny day
Your embrace is like the wings of a great angel
Keeping me safe, healing my pain
And holding me close
To the hypnotic pulse in your chest
Still the right words escape me
So if you don't mind
I might just lose myself in your brilliant eyes
And fall asleep to the thought of your sweet smile
Then I will see you again tomorrow
And try again
As for me, I'm not getting any particular rhythm from this at all. It feels like plainspeak to me. It reads like anyone speaking as they normally would. "To the hypnotic pulse in your chest" Is a nice line and I think that this might be a good line to base the poem around. Perhaps you could try to give the poem a more hypnotic, pulsing feel. a stronger rhythm. I do like the idea of the poem. I think you have portrayed it nicely.
I like this, mainly because I can relate. The whole concept of knowing exactly how you feel about somebody but lacking the ability to put those feelings into actual words is the worst feeling in the world. The writing itself is decent as well, I really don't have anything really in specific to pick at, except, work on a few spelling errors, but that's nothing serious, because none of the errors were anything that made me not understand what you were saying. Also, compliments to the well-done rhythm, which is actually something that I have a lot of trouble with when writing poems or lyrics.
And, by the way, I like poems that are written in stanzas, so you should write them like that. Although, some poems do work better without stanzas, so that varies. It depends on what you see is fitting for the piece of writing.
This poem is very good, indeed. Very cool, well organized, sincere, and the rhythm's not bad! To answer your question, I think it's better if you place the lines in stanzas, for the convenience of the reader and to help your poem flow. Not much to say though. It's very toned down. I like it. Cheers!
Nice that was cute . Cute is good for a girl a cute guy is weird. But that was pleasent to read. I guess you pulled it from your heart. And to me thats all that counts. When you do somthing cause you mean it not cause it will make you look better, that is why it rocks my socks, to bad I dropped them in the docks. but serously nice I liked it cause it was meaningful and cute and it rocked my heart. PEACE OUT
Submission Name: Words
