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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the Temptressdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Senna27NZ
    ASL Info:    33/m/New Zealand-UK
    Elite Ratio:    5.42 - 251/184/26
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1632
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 633



    Description:
       Inspired by Hans-Christian Andersons "the Snow Queen" I guess...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe Temptressdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A northern girl speaks sweet accented words
    A golden-haired temptress of beauty absurd
    She will poison your mind, lead you off by the hand
    Her warm words flowing from an icy land

    Painting a scene of serene married bliss
    Enslaving with charms no mere man could resist!
    Enjoy your day in the sun, for soon it will set:
    Tomorrows forecast is for rain and regret

    Here is a girl sent from heaven above
    An avenging angel, for your heart to love
    For your eyes to worship, for your arms to hold
    Here is a girl whose blood runs cold.





    Submitted on 2006-02-05 14:20:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hi,it nice raeding a free flowing verse.however,the poem carries so much of doubt in tone.Dele
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by Dele | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a great way of writing unobtrusive rhyme and the sibilance adds a soft but sinister tone.

    A real film noir theme as the innocent dupe is led astray by the femme fatal, avenging angel who will make your blood run cold. All this needs is the shadows and venetian-blinds.
    take care
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this piece - a modern day take on the Fairy Tale. Very descriptive but not overdone and more an insight into their mind and heart that are cold as ice.
    Great!
    love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent writing. I like the soft use of rhyme, it's not overdone. Just right I'd say.

    I loved the snow queen. They eventually made a movie from the book. I believe Bridget Fonda was the Snow Queen in the movie.

    This was a perfect depiction, bringing the reader into this fairytale world of ice castles and love spells. I found this fun and entertaining, an overall great read.


    Sorrel
    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this poem. the rhyme was good. it was short and sweet but you got your point across really well. if this is about you then im sorry you had to go through but i think everyone does eventually. i did. also my boyfriend thinks its very nice to and hes not into poetry! you commented on so many of my poems that i thought i should repay the favor. good job!
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the way you wrote this. It sets the story in my mind.. yet leaves a bit of mystery for me to ponder.

    Also, I liked the forecast bit.. "Enjoy your day in the sun, for soon it will set:
    Tomorrows forecast is for pain and regret"

    And you kept with the theme throughout.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      You already been told about all the attributes this poem reflects. Brilliant juxtaposition, lovely rhyming.
    `always write poetry, Cheryl.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      Great wording and images. Powerfull stuff. I really liked it when you said,
    "She will paint you a scene of serene married bliss Enslaving with charms no mere man could resist!
    Enjoy your day in the sun, for soon it will set:
    Tomorrows forecast is for pain and regretges."
    Just glad that im a brunette!
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Peachpitt | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem gave me the image of a man who marries a woman only to find out that the sweet angel he married is just a cold blooded, conniving being.

    Abit like the sirens that lure sailors with beautiful songs, only to enjoy the enslavery after.

    "With warm words flowing from an icy land"

    Very nice image here. The poem points to a northern girl. I imagined someone from scandinavia. Dunno why? Maybe the golden hair and icy land.
    But I like the opposition in this phrase, and the double meaning I get in icy land: her country and her heart.

    "Enjoy your day in the sun, for soon it will set:
    Tomorrows forecast is for pain and regret"

    I like your weather forecast reference here. Actually we can see it subtly running all through the poem.

    Your last stanza does not give the same powerful feeling that the other 2 stanzas give. It is somehow as if u ran out of images, and had it there just to conclude your thoughts. Your last verse is a bit cliché and the rhyme does not run as smoothly as in the other stanzas.

    But still the poem is well written, the rhythm flows smoothly and I like the choice of words, simple but to the point.

    I am glad you stopped by my page so I can get to see your work. I will try to get back and read more of you, but I dunno if this will happen soon, because m lazy on commenting lately.
    cya around.

    Peace
    Viviane
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhh! This is a very good poem. Lots of depth here and you tell this tale so very well with your words. Love is a strange phenomenon if you ask me. It can lift you up so high you would swear you were floating but then at a moments notice, slam you down to the ground in a most painful way. Sometimes I wonder if love is worth the risk you take. I guess if you find the right one, then the answer would be yes, but that road is just a damn long one. I think you have done a great job with this poem. I can only wonder who rated this one a 2. They obviously dont know good poetry when they read it and if I could vote for this I would but for some stupid reason only one vote is allowed. Anyway, this is very good. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      AHAHAHA shes canadian... i was down in austrailia recently..good time
    it was good tho, try to stay light hearted, and you lift the hearts around you...
    Adding the picture increased its "imagery" lol
    your heart'll write nd my eyes'll read!
    keep em comin..
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Drayke | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, for one, you got a GREAT rhythm. A+ for you, lol. I envy ppl with a rhythm, lol. ANWAY...Well...the title definitely goes w/the poem. And if i was a guy, she would sound very tempting...but i'm not...so i envy the chick ur talkin' about in ur poem, lol. Here's my fave part :

    She’ will poison your mind, lead you off by the hand
    With warm words flowing from an icy land

    She will paint you a scene of serene married bliss
    Enslaving with charms no mere man could resist!

    These parts are awesome because the words are just so...um...tempting...lol.
    You sound very intelligent, because of the way you use your words. I really enjoyed this read and hope for another great write like this one! :) see ya later!

    ~Kim~
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way you have crafted this poem... I think it needs to be read aloud. The rythem and form flow very easily, and that's nice for a reader. I suppose there's no real deeper meaning in this... just beware of beautiful temptrisses. heheh. Anyhoo, I enjoyed it.

    Sam
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by Ratboy | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey!
    Good poem..
    I loved your metaphors..
    "...warm words flowing from an icy land..."

    The rythm was a bit strained. Your words dont flow easily, but it had a charm.

    "...She will paint you a scene of serene married bliss..." NIce use of alliteritation!

    It was a well written portrait of the person that I myself see when I read this poem.

    Keep up the good work!
    :)
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      Brilliant juxtaposition of the 'everything you want, nothing you desire' dichotomy (fatal beauty, addictive charm, cold desire; perfect!). You've hit the jackpot with this; the word choice, theme, rhythm and lineation are impeccable. This sounds so much like the cold-hearted "Snow Queen" (and every evil beauty that stalks the pages of literature), that I can sense a love monumentally sad and unrequited. Well done, my friend! Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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