Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sandsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ratboy
    ASL Info:    17/Male/South Slocan B.C.
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 50/73/22
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 690



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sandsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I’d like to own a piece of me
    That hasn’t, nor will ever wear the sky
    Again, and in its loneliness could win
    The favour of Eternity.

    But vanity can never serve
    Me or support this selfish yearning here
    Within this perfect world that to defy
    Would surely be beyond my nerve.

    This body and its occupants
    By Earth are petrified in stone, and skin,
    Engrained far deeper than a human width,
    Can grasp no other Elements.

    My pieces are the slaves of man
    So I can seldom anger at my hands
    And I am never lonely when I stand
    To blame my failures on the sands.




    Submitted on 2006-02-05 19:12:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      So the speaker can never win the favor of eternity, because he is always surrounded by the multitude of the sands?

    Or maybe there's something in the loneliness itself that keeps him away--something that the "pieces" of man are averse to.

    Or maybe it's only vanity to think that he could ever reach eternity.


    This is a really excellent, thought-provoking piece. I'm sorry for the comments, but I don't think I could help you improve in any other way. Thank you for the good read.

    -El
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Eloen | [ Reply to This ]
      very creative language here ^-^ i loved it.
    i do want to know about these sands, are they the sands of time or is there an allusion to the dust/dirt that man kind comes from.
    i like the imagery of the pieces too. makes me think of a broken mirror or a stanned glass window.
    "far deeper than a huan width" what is meant here? it seems a little elusive to me.
    all in all i loved it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by TT | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90194

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry