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    dots Submission Name: The Sandsdots

    Author: Ratboy
    ASL Info:    17/Male/South Slocan B.C.
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 50/73/22
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1053
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 690


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sandsdots

    Iíd like to own a piece of me
    That hasnít, nor will ever wear the sky
    Again, and in its loneliness could win
    The favour of Eternity.

    But vanity can never serve
    Me or support this selfish yearning here
    Within this perfect world that to defy
    Would surely be beyond my nerve.

    This body and its occupants
    By Earth are petrified in stone, and skin,
    Engrained far deeper than a human width,
    Can grasp no other Elements.

    My pieces are the slaves of man
    So I can seldom anger at my hands
    And I am never lonely when I stand
    To blame my failures on the sands.

    Submitted on 2006-02-05 19:12:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      So the speaker can never win the favor of eternity, because he is always surrounded by the multitude of the sands?

    Or maybe there's something in the loneliness itself that keeps him away--something that the "pieces" of man are averse to.

    Or maybe it's only vanity to think that he could ever reach eternity.

    This is a really excellent, thought-provoking piece. I'm sorry for the comments, but I don't think I could help you improve in any other way. Thank you for the good read.

    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Eloen | [ Reply to This ]
      very creative language here ^-^ i loved it.
    i do want to know about these sands, are they the sands of time or is there an allusion to the dust/dirt that man kind comes from.
    i like the imagery of the pieces too. makes me think of a broken mirror or a stanned glass window.
    "far deeper than a huan width" what is meant here? it seems a little elusive to me.
    all in all i loved it.
    | Posted on 2006-02-05 00:00:00 | by TT | [ Reply to This ]

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