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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Final Screamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LoneWolf
    ASL Info:    16/F/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 136/108/19
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 453



    Description:
       ok this is the first time i ever wrote a poem with only 3 syllables per line and every line with the same number of syllables. plus i wrote this when i was 'in the moment' so idk how it is. >.<
    it's really hard to make all the lines 3 syllables and still try to make a point! i think it was kinda iffy, but idk.. ^.^ hope you all likes!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFinal Screamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    watch the rain
    see it fall
    hide my pain
    build a wall
    turn away
    never cry
    end of day
    breathe a sigh
    wake again
    hate comes back
    now times ten
    soon i crack
    raining tears
    blood of mine
    give a cheer
    now it's time
    good by world
    fuck you all
    helpless girl
    worthless call
    "SET ME FREE!"
    final scream




    Submitted on 2006-02-06 05:00:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the style of this poem. I've tried writing things like this but they never turn out quite so powerful. My favorite part was probably "hate comes back now times ten" But I really didn't like the line "give a cheer" It kind of just didn't seem to fit in to the poem as well as the other words and lines. but I do like the powerful words you used. Good write. I'll add this to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2007-02-01 00:00:00 | by Coffee Brake | [ Reply to This ]
      Making each line have the same amount of syllables is a lot harder than it sounds, but you did it perfectly.
    It rhymed nicely and didnt sound forced at all.
    I love it.
    My favorite line is the one that says, "F*** you all" cause I think using profanity helps express certain feelings better. You know?
    You got your point across wonderfully.
    As always, Great Job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-02-26 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      The style caught me off gaurd, but it worked REALLY well. Your rhyme was absolutly flawless except at the lat few lines i had to do a double take because you switched it up. But in all honesty this i one of the greatest poems i have ever read. Have you ever considered entering a contest with it? The way you convayed the frustration and the building of pain was stunning. You now have a devoted follower. :)
    -T.C. Wolfsong
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by LivingShadow | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... interesting style. I thought you expressed the frustration and angst of life well, and the three syllable line format is not to be confused with being SIMPLE or EASY to conceive!

    Well done, LoneWolf. I look forward to more poems from you on these pages.

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]


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