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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faln_angl
    ASL Info:    25/f/MN
    Elite Ratio:    4.66 - 99/96/17
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 182
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1040



    Description:
       Just for fun.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I imagine you taste of
    dark chocolate and merlot...
    Bittersweet,
    with a hint of tobacco.
    Your tongue caressing mine
    nice and slow

    Feeling like velvet
    between my lips
    Hands on my body,
    gently squeezing my hips,
    Rough from the hard work
    that's defined your biceps.

    That's how I imagine our first kiss...............

    You look at my soul
    with eyes so deep
    My cheeks flush
    as you gaze into me,
    Penetrating defenses
    I so desperately need.

    ........that's how I imagine it will be.........

    I can't help but stare back,
    and the world disappears
    Right along with
    all the fears
    That have guarded
    my heart for years

    You invoke within me
    feelings so passionate
    I can't help but remember
    every other minute,

    .....what it will be like, our first kiss.




    Submitted on 2006-02-06 11:32:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ohhh la la...very sexy!

    have you tried to dabble in erotic writes??? you sure do have a talent with description...

    so tell me...did you finally have this first kiss or are you still dreaming???


    go on girl take his lips! lol

    Tina
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      *I can't help but stare back,
    and the world disappears
    Right along with
    all the fears
    That have guarded
    my heart for years*
    I like these lines cause I can relate though that freedom is lost to my mistakes.Take nothing for granted is a lesson we need not learn but be born knowing.I like your work.Anyway good luck..keep it up.^_^
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      i like htis a lot. keep up the great work. it sounds like your lost in a fantasy world and you can't snap out of it. keep it up and you'll do great.
    love
    tina
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this poem..it has a farily good flow and tremendous imaginative emotion..when I read this all i could visualise was how it would be like to have my first kiss with the guy that i love right now...so thanks for that..Good peice keep em comin..Later
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, my first impression of this poem was that it was a little questionable, but as I read the rest, it just kind of fell into place.
    As I've said to a few other writers, the thought you're portraying is very likable, but the putting-together of that thought onto paper is a little "iffy". Some of the lines don't really flow in how you've put them together...

    "Right along with
    all the fears
    That have guarded
    my heart for years"

    Without changing any of the words you've used, I would have simply changed these four lines into two:

    "Right along with all the fears
    That have guarded my heart for years"

    I guess, overall, my only suggestion is that you take a little more time to read through your work and think of what kind of rythm a reader would put into it. Then just try to make a very clear, obvious rythm. But good job all-things-considered. Keep it up and keep on trying.

    ~Andi
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by T.O.S.R. | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write, it sounds like you have an active imagination and you put it to good use. The rhyming in this poem is subtle and it works really well.
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by josephina | [ Reply to This ]



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