Missin You by faln

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Submission Name: Missin You dots

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Author:	faln_angl
ASL Info:	25/f/MN
Elite Ratio:	4.66 - 99/96/17
Words:	196

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	191
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1007

Description:
Don't have much to say bout this...I think it's pretty self explanitory.

Missin You dots

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I'm missing you
today.

Even though you're next to me
you feel so far away.

Yesterday we had
a fight,
Ignored eachother
all night,
The house became so
cold and lonely,
Our lives in pieces...

because of me.

I can't say what
I want so badly to say,

And that's why I'm
missin' you today.

It wasn't your fault.

I started it all.

Now I'm sacrificing
my heart for my pride,
Trying to cover up
all my lies.

I feel so ashamed.

Yet I'm still casting blame.

When "I'm sorry."

Is all I have to say,

I choose to sit here

and miss you today.

Submitted on 2006-02-06 11:36:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Aww, this is terribly sad...sad in the sense that a lot of people have done this before...sacrificed their heart for their pride by refusing to say sorry. Then again I think sometimes just letting the steam cool off and not saying sorry for a day or two is a good thing...just don't let your grudge stay in your heart forever.
I like the simply format of this piece. Read really cleanly and fast. :)
The only thing I didn't understand was in line seven you have "eachother" together. Now, I often times do that in my pieces but I didn't see the value or significance in putting those two words together right there. Was that a typo or do I just not understand? lol
Overall really nice job. :)
Take care!

-blt
| Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
  ooh this is another one of your poems that I really like

Now I'm sacrificing
my heart for my pride,
Trying to cover up
all my lies

This is my favorite stanza...so many times in relationships I have been so prideful. I relate so much to this...they are right next you but it is not the same at all...I loved it! You amaze me
| Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by haileebobailee | [ Reply to This ]
  ooh this is another one of your poems that I really like

Now I'm sacrificing
my heart for my pride,
Trying to cover up
all my lies

This is my favorite stanza...so many times in relationships I have been so prideful. I relate so much to this...they are right next you but it is not the same at all...I loved it! You amaze me
| Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by haileebobailee | [ Reply to This ]
  pride...we all need to have it...yet it can destroy the most beautiful of things...

I know that I've [censored]ed up countless relationships over my pride...you'd think by now i'd learn to let go of it just a little but ...no...

lol

I hope that y'all made amends...

Tina
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it.Something we can all relate to in one form or another.Sounds like a Avril Lavigne rhythm or flow.Well take the comments as you want though it was intended as a compliment.Well...later
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
  good job...I loved the flow and the emotion you put into it my fave part was : Even though you're next to me
you feel so far away.

This line explains alot about the poem before you finish it..Good piece keep up the great work..Later
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree, I wouldn't have set it up like this either, but that doesn't mean I don't like how you did it. It's unique and your own style so good job, and i hope you'll be able to work things out with the person...if there is a person.
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by josephina | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good job. The way you've put this poem together isn't how I would do it, and I found it hard to get a good rythm going, but the thought and emotion of this piece is very well-thought-out.
My only suggestion? Establish a more steady rythm. Other than that, I like this poem. Keep it up.

~Andi
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by T.O.S.R. | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this piece. It is very open for employment by any reader given a various number of circumstances and situations. I think that is a good aspect of it, though some would argue it needs more personal depth, I suppose it is all in how you look at it, and how the readers day has gone so far to tell if they can find immediate personal relation or not. Good stuff, keep it flowing.

Cheers
Tom
| Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]

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