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Last Call

Author: No Talent
ASL Info:    24/m/Ny
Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 263 /178 /31
Words: 174
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1017
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 992


aight this 1 in juss wrote i had to get this out of me there r probaly spelling mistakes and what not but thats not whats important here the emotion and feelings tearnin me apart r i can barely sleep @ night . well anyway juss check it out n lemme kno what ya think

Last Call

No one knows
No one will ever...
i cant let them find out what i've done
the shame i feel
To Heavy To be held
i was wrong
As i've been told for so long
Listiened to Blind Voices
Made some bad choices
And even though
You've stood by me
though disappointed
GLad to see
I'm still here and breathing Very clear to you
While my heart is beating my soul is slowly bleeding..
I juss want to be free
free from hurt
Free From pain
Free from me
I dont kno where to turn
the lord is hear I hope he hears my gentle words
Even though genuine they may be
The pain still thrives
And thus torments me..
I just want to be free
Casue deep inside
the truth is i'm so lonley
please help me see
I cant do it alone
Lord Please Help me.....

Submitted on 2006-02-06 12:09:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  wow. ok firs tim gonna tell you i liked it. because i did. it spoke to me about how i feel sometimes and the fact that alot of people feel that sometimes.

but just to let you know (to me at least) there seems to be alot of repetition. and its kind of distracting that the end rhymes and the begginging... well not so much.

oh and thanks for commenting on my poems too
| Posted on 2007-09-24 00:00:00 | by tainted-faerie | [ Reply to This ]
  Life is rough. Sometimes I feel like I'm lost in this world. So many things we'll never understand. So many questions unanswered and its gonna be that way. Everything is not to be understood in our lifetime. Keep living, loving, and striving~one love
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by InnerEnergy | [ Reply to This ]
  The flow is awsome within this poem. I wasnt sure what to expect when reading your description of what you wrote. The poem is smooth flowing to great lyrical quality. Nicely done
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]
  OK- I wont touch the spelling- Dont be led by the blind, " No talent"-and for G*d's sake! Change your screen name- because you have some- you definetly evoked some emotion in me here- I hate to see people in pain- and it sounds as if you are having alot of that- and regret. No one walking around on this earth is perfect- God- keep believing- pray- and the answers will come- keep writing- get it all out- and be done with it- I wish you well- and will come back to read more of your writes- Heather
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by delusional | [ Reply to This ]
  Thank you for sharing this poem. I love the flow and rythm that you present. There a few minor errors with spelling and capitalization, but it's nothing that you can't fix. If this really is a cry for help, than you found it. People here are the most loving and supporting you can find. I don't believe your screen name. You really do have talent. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading. If you ever need anything you can find me here.
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
  This sounds like a cry for help. Don't take your life, there's nothing more precious than life. Your meaning is very clear, but seek help don't despair. Use your writing as an outlet for your pain and lonliness. Brighter days are ahead. You need to capitalize I in your poem. Better still remove the I altoghter. There are spelling errors, but they don't distract from the meaning of your poem. This would make a great Rap song.
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Ms. Gifted | [ Reply to This ]

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