Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: akaietowa-ru_18
    ASL Info:    20/F/Belly of the Beast
    Elite Ratio:    3.68 - 101/125/64
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1162
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 831



    Description:
       Eh, needs a title....SOME SUGGESTIONS PLEASE!!!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Blue skies with feathered wings,
    the warmth of light on my tanned face,
    shining dark ponds.
    The amount of weeds....
    They do nothing.

    Sometimes hope is bitter.
    Wishes-- no matter the purpose...
    They are impur, full of some hidden greed.

    Brown entities stare out.
    They stare at the vast waste.
    They want to speak out, but have no will to.

    Insensive banging in all places.
    Whispers voicing out pain.
    The foundation of heritage is pride...
    Pride and pain go hand in hand.

    Silly little fairytales wind us up,
    keep us inhoused within a false reality-- ignorance.
    Many want retribution,
    some fueled by regret want hope.
    All these brown intities want is to be able to bleed.




    Submitted on 2006-02-06 19:52:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The meaning of this poem is not clear to me. Is it about inflicting pain to self? Who are the entities you mentioned twice? I think the poem would be better with a title. Often the title will help clarify the meaning of the poem. Maybe it's just abstract and I just don't get it. Anyway I hope I've been of some help to you.
    Ms. Gifted






    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Ms. Gifted | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90341

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry