[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Break And Falldots

    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 818
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 769

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreak And Falldots

    Break and fall, break and fall
    Light will fade, night will fall
    Dark is black, black is fear
    Fear is life, the end is near
    Almost gone, one last song
    One last kiss then you'll be gone
    Watch you fade
    I let go, you scream no
    Panic hits, hysteric fits
    Let me return, I swear I'll learn
    I'll change my life
    A second chance, one last dance
    Safe in your arms, free from all harm
    Tears will fall, shadows fill all
    I'm not ok, my lifeline fades
    Not one more day, for me to say
    "I love you"
    Break and fall, break and fall
    All will fade, all will fall
    All is black, black is fear
    Fear is life, the end is near

    Submitted on 2006-02-06 20:35:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      complex yet beautifully simple and sad. it sounds so cliché but you really dont know what you have until its gone, desperately trying to force the pieces together again, or atleast for one more time. good job, i really liked it!
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by devildoll | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyming is marvelous
    I like how you say things in (kind of) dark ways.
    And the way it comes back to the beginning in the end is great too.
    I've noticed I do that a lot.

    The part, "A second chance, one last dance" makes me sad.
    I think it's because it reminds me of the song that says
    "On my knees, I'll ask
    Last chance for one last dance"

    That song always makes me cry. lol I'm very emotional.

    But anyways, I like this a lot.
    You're very talented

    As always, Great job!

    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    prison written by ShyOne
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Whiteout written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]