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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beautiful In Sorrow (Destroyeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1021
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 712



    Description:
       Wrote this after my parents forbid me to see or speak to my boyfriend, who I had been dating for three years; I thought I had lost him for good.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful In Sorrow (Destroyeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Beneath my hands, the concrete feels so frozen
    Below my feet lies the one my heart has chosen
    Broken and deserted, I'm consumed by one word:
    "Gone" forever, and I alone am moving forward
    Teardrops from these deadened eyes are blinding
    Rain from this face and skies above combining
    Traveling down through the earth before me
    To meet you, carrying my love and grief where I can't be
    Unconsoled, abandoned, cold, and lonely
    My life is bright and colored when you hold me
    Black and white and empty now you've left me
    Haunting life, not dead, yet not quite living
    Destroyed, yet strangely beautiful in sorrow




    Submitted on 2006-02-06 20:43:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It was a very elegant piece. Everything you did, though they might not've worked if others were to attempt it. Well, they just worked.
    Great job here.

    My life is bright and colored when you hold me
    Black and white and empty now you've left me

    I like to skim over a piece and then read it. And when I skimmed I thought. "Oh no...she ended repeating lines with the same word in a rhyming poem" but you pulled it off, and kept me pulled in...thanks

    ~Anarius~
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sad but very pretty...i like the idea you have used here of your b/friend being beneath you/earth and my fav part was:

    Teardrops from these deadened eyes are blinding
    Rain from this face and skies above combining

    this brings about nice images and portrays well the sadness you were obviously feeling...i would say that there are one or two forced ryhmes but overall it flows well ..
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      The words sound so pretty. You did a great job. I agree with EVERYTHING nikki said.. Good job, keep writing.

    I hope you and this guy find a way to work things out. Im sorry to hear they would stop you from seeing him.. Good luck with it all.

    Kim
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Blindly-N-Love | [ Reply to This ]
      That's sad and pretty at the same time.
    The descriptions and wording are excellent.
    My favorite part is the beginning:
    "Beneath my hands, the concrete feels so frozen
    Below my feet lies the one my heart has chosen"

    That's gorgeous.
    I like how you later used colors to describe things too.
    You express yourself beautifully.

    Very nicely done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


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