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    dots Submission Name: Brown-Eyed Girldots

    Author: Geraldine
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 241/296/80
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 878
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 600

       I just found this, it was written quite a while ago. It's a little choppy and I'm not sure if it makes sense, but thats what I like about it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBrown-Eyed Girldots

    Hysterical Cries
    heard only in the head
    of the broken, brown-eyed girl

    Waves of pain
    felt only in the heart
    of the broken, brown-eyed girl

    She cries
    though no tears are falling
    still she drowns in the salty sea

    Weakness arises
    her strength has been drained
    she's unable to be saved

    Memories of happiness
    seen only in the mind
    of the broken, brown-eyed girl

    Sorrow-filled prayers
    whispered only in the soul
    of the broken, brown-eyed girl

    Submitted on 2006-02-07 09:31:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey! this was good! but it could have been better! the meaning of this was very powerfull! but the flow could have just a bit of a touch up! but it was good! good job!
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought it was farily well done.. i think it has a deep meaning which is great the flow could use a lilttle work but other then that it was good..Later
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with eeks, it was like you were trying to be all deep and what not, but came far from it with over used phrases and clichés. Trying putting a meaning behind the poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Glassy Eyed | [ Reply to This ]
      She cries
    though no tears are falling
    still she drowns in the salty sea

    sounds like youre trying to be deep but came up shallow, and sounding stupid. no offense but it didnt quite make sense to me. sounded like you were trying to sound like you had some mysterious meaning... and there was nothing to read into it. overall i thought the poem was ok. i like the spin on brown eyed girl but i prefer the nostalgic version.
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]

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