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    dots Submission Name: Falling Into Youdots

    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1129
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 742


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling Into Youdots

    Slowly I trace the outline
    Of your softly silent lips
    And with every single breath
    Another part of me slips

    I memorize your green eyes
    By the light of the midnight moon
    Gradually breaking your disguise
    Iíll see inside you soon

    The gentle way you kiss me
    Still makes my body weak
    The world always disappears
    Whenever you touch my cheek

    Within my heart you do reside
    Taking over my entire soul
    My love for you will not subside
    A lasting love is my goal

    Not what we expected
    But it was our hearts desire
    To be so strongly connected
    Taking me forever higher

    Submitted on 2006-02-07 16:20:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great poem! I just wrote a piece soemwhat like this, but not quite, about a guy that I could wish so badly to be with. This poem is amazing. I find it weird though that I'm finding all these poems now. Lol, I think I'm falling into my crush. Great poem and good luck! Peace n Love
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by missing_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      very descriptive poem. shows deep care and knowledge of the subject, but some of the rhymes seemed forced. The subject was well chosen, but not adequately described. Perhaps focus a little more on more than just visual senses and use a bit more figurative language. Dont take this as me trying to be harsh, just wanted to help out... overall, i liked it a lot, well written, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
      in all i loved the poem, it runs very smoothly, except for one place i was a little concerned...

    Within my heart you do reside
    Taking over my entire soul
    My love for you will never subside

    in this stanza i think that the final line is a little out of the proper sylable count, and forgive me for nit-picking, but i think it would improve it a little more if you used the word "not subside" as apposed to "never subside". again, thats just my opinion, but dont get the idea that i didnt like it, it was very touching and and worked very well...

    God bless,
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by godsminion | [ Reply to This ]

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