Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Invisible Fencesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MMISS
    Elite Ratio:    2.68 - 503/492/149
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 888
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 828



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInvisible Fencesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She's finally found someone who loves her
    But she just backs away
    He wants to spend his life with her
    She says I'm sorry what can I say

    Invisible fences

    A neigbor needs a friend to talk to
    But he's lost trust in mankind
    So he sits alone with no one
    Going stark out of his mind

    Invisible fences

    A child waits for the weekend
    To spend sometime with his dad
    Daddy worked late at the office again
    But the child couldn't show he was sad

    Invisible fences

    Hiding behind the hurt and pain
    No one knows their secrets
    But the heart can't open up to love
    It keeps up it's defenses
    It's just invisible fences





    Submitted on 2006-02-08 00:00:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Praise be to God, who can destroy those invisible fences. I saw a lot of myself in this poem, and it's great. Those invisible fences really do hurt people. Great Write
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by jlpurvis2001 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good write. I loved how you used Invisible fences as a metaphor. However, I didn't really like how you kept repeating it in the poem..it would have been awesome if you didn't say it until the very end...but this still does not make this piece bad.

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      hello,

    I thought I would throw my few cents in here. Fences they divide, here the metaphor is one of the easier ones for me to peer into (no pun intended). Walls are a more drastic division than fences are since one cannot see through walls. In China throughout history walls have been used in excess to divide even going to the length (no pun intended) of building the Great Wall. The fence on other hand has a more hopeful illustration then the wall in the respect that is it not a total separation of all senses between those. I would go so far as to say the writer wanted to leave a bit of hope in using fences as oppose to wall or walls. In honesty I would have use walls myself, if I were to make such a write but that is because I am pessimistic about society.

    in the first stanza you have an illustration of the separation of love. Obviously here one’s love is stronger than the other. There is no giving oneself exclusively to another here call it a lack of faith or will. There are always extenuating circumstances that would compel people to drift apart.

    the second stanza is a larger issue the lack of trust in the neighbor. These days there are many who do not know their neighbors; I have seen many communities like this. It happens with people, who have not wronged each other, they lose that trust in the other. correction: “neigbor” should be “neighbor”

    In the third stanza it goes more into the personal again this time it is parental; the chasm between father and son. This is more heart wrenching, for child’s first experience of the nature of love is from the parent and when there is no love there are life altering implications.

    the fourth stanza is even a more personal the love of one person. Here the heart is closed to the external forces of love. The implication here is that it could be love to anyone or even love spiritually. This one of the better stanzas for me because it is left open to who the heart is closed against.

    Beyond this there are barriers also for countries; this is more on a community, family, and personal level. It is a fine write, I like it ,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      You have described the invisible barrier that keeps one from reaching out to another.
    Some today in this fast paced world are just to busy to see.
    Thanks for spreading the light on this!
    Just moved to a different state myself, realises the truth of this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Life is full of 'invisible fences', obstacles and hurdles that we all have to get over. You portrayed this very well and the examples you wrote about were very telling. Another good write from your pen.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Great poem, it is really great with great amount of emotions, words were simple but it stated the Idea very well. The rhyme is not very good but it does not matter. Your refrain was cool but it would be better if it was a little longer. The "invisible fences" is a good metaphor as well.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Duke Medhat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very good. I like it a lot. So true, for so many, so I am sure that many people can relate to this. I really enjoyed reading this. Good Luck and God Bless, Dawn
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Dawnyd | [ Reply to This ]
      OOooooooo...I seeeeee. It was a security issue that was going on here with the invisible fences. They did not want to step out that boundry and so love was never demonstrated within the family. So it was as if to say they were trapped in this fence, like a box or when people say one is "square". Falls under the same catagory. Nicely done.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90495

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry