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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pencildots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Avril54
    Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 163/206/34
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Misc/Comedy
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 449



    Description:
       well, just tell me what you think, if you can offer any suggestions I'd appreciate it.

    P.S. I wrote this poem in under minute and just put it under comedy....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPencildots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Pencil! My pencil!
    I can't find my pencil!
    I miss the sweet-smelling, circular wood
    The royal pink crown to the smooth dark tip

    Pencil, dear pencil!
    Why have you forsaken me?
    Where are you hiding?

    was it something I wrote?

    What must I do to bring you back?
    Must I travel to the ends of the earth?
    I beseech you
    come back
    ......to me.




    Submitted on 2006-02-08 16:48:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      haha...this put a smile of my face, glad I came across it. Strange how everyday objects can be a muse huh?

    "was it something I wrote?"

    funny line...unique in a punchline sort of way:)
    take care
    Michelle Fey
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Fey | [ Reply to This ]
      Suggestions I always have...
    You might mention the 'yellow' color of the pencil, or made it a hexagon pencil that can't just roll away. Or promise nevr to chew the eraser again, with your fingers crossed of course.

    Even though you were just a 2, you were always No. 1 in my pencil case. (Hey, you asked for suggestions)

    Seriously, I do so hate round pencils. They are usualy just advertisements for an oil company or a drug store or something else that we need!
    Or those stupid colored pencils that come in a box. Real artists use colored paints writers use a black lead pencil.

    But I do so love the metalic green words on a yellow pencil that wisk me off to exotic places like Ticonderoga or Castell!
    Then there are the brave fighting pencils like Mongol and Mikado, lost like an ancient martial art in our modern time.

    And the beautiful dreamers like the dark jade green Empress.

    This poem shows promise, if you can just find a pencil to write your ideas down.
    Myself, I just use a computer!

    Was I too sharp with you?

    D
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL! your a [censored] crazy [censored] and i love you for it! great job, but i thought you were talking about something dirty in the begining...lol
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can definately relate to this
    This write speaks great truth
    I cant tell you how many times I had an idea pop into my head and fly away within seconds because I had nothing to write it down with
    I reallyn like how you put this together
    Great Write
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      hello Trini,

    the ache of a lost pencil you did add some good drama queen woes to this piece with comedy throughout. I like the comedic lament for the loss of the pencil and how the character is heart broken. Correction “beeseech” should be “beseech” also on the third line: “I miss the swet-smelling, circular wood” I think you wanted “sweet” not “swet”

    What more could in this write? Well you could have called the hotline for missing and exploited pencils I mean geez this is a serious thing here we have to call the FBI or federal bureau of instruments. did you hear about the famous apprehension of the quill pen of 1897. Perhaps the pencil was abducted by a UFO and they were conducting experiments on zero gravity graphite. Maybe the pencil joined the environmental movement against the logging industry. Perhaps the lost pencil was hired by PBS to do positive learning commercials. The refugee pencil may have gone underground to join a resistance with the ruler (leader), folder (muscle), eraser (computer geek), protractor and compass (mission control, maps and misc. intel), and the rest of the stationary army. haha stationary army geez. well there you go a few insane ideas for you. Nicely done,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well how about that. A poem about a pencil. We're too alike.

    You really were dramatic about the wherabouts of your writing instrument (as we like to call them). Travelling to the end of the earth is quite a commitment when there's probably a newsagency down the road.

    But "was it something I wrote?" That's a great line. I'll be yelling that at my pencil case on Monday, just you wait.

    Thanks for sharing your one minute diddy.

    Lulu la Feyne
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Lulu La Feyne | [ Reply to This ]
      Nooooo! Where is it? Where'd it go?!?!?! DID YOU FIND IT????

    I hate it when I lose my pencil and it is always when I have something I need to write. I love pens, but pencils are my favorite. Even though I have a little grey spot on my arm where I accidentally stabbed myself with a pencil. It has been there for a couple years now, it's kind of cool. Unique. Like this poem.

    WHERE FOR ART THOU PENCIL????

    He he, loved it, quite cute, go Trini!

    Bon
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty creative for under a minute. I really liked the 'was it something I wrote' part. that was funny. btw the only word you misspelled was beseech and if you add some more e's then it could be used as an effect, like beeeeeseech!! very neat little poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      True funniness! Great write...especially appealing to those of us who can never find one to write with. also you uses the word 'swet', should that be 'sweat' or 'sweet'?
    good job chitlin!
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      hilarious... i agree with beth when she said it was something a little different, but i REALLY agree with cigarz when he said it was hillarious... i really enjoyed it... keep writing.

    God Bless,
    Josh
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by godsminion | [ Reply to This ]
      what did you write this with.lol. i like it. it's so light hearted which is nice because many poems are so deep or dark or whatnot. fun, playful. i like it. nice change of pace from what i usually read/write. what a great idea to write about a writing utensil. nice job

    -Beth
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
      hah!

    One word of note, check your spelling. Otherwise, very funny and relateable.

    Pencil, dear pencil!
    Why have you forsaken me?
    Where are you hiding?

    was it something I wrote?
    That was hialrious!

    Thanks,

    T
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      *laughs out loud*

    Amazing, you made a poem about a pencil so interesting. I am surprised that I didn't think of writing anything about a pencil before. I always lose them while doing my pencils while doing my work and so I can totally relate to it.

    Great to be away from the *boohoo* poems for a change

    Thanks for sharing

    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Was it something I wrote? HA!
    That was great. My darn pencils keep running away too! Bast*rds!
    I think they get tired of the abuse and they hide.
    Thanks for the laugh!
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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