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    dots Submission Name: Cold fears come realdots

    Author: Breed of Wind
    ASL Info:    15/m/iowa
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 14/13/7
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 865
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 551

       Description? description of what lol, im just a newb here... i dont know what kind of a description you crazy people want lol

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCold fears come realdots

    Cold fears coming real,
    Breathings lost at times cost.
    Days forgoten to wake,
    Cause the sun didn't brake
    clouded covered fate, and

    Stains of black stains of red,
    will Cover the bed,
    as a heart is found in shreds,
    bitterness and dread,
    shale roam your head and
    mines exost while the light has gone because,
    hopes been faded,
    happyness completly jaded,
    even the tears are tainted,
    yet tired eyes reafuse to
    just close and die

    Submitted on 2006-02-08 18:26:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      hmm I have to agree with the others on free verse I am a fan of it. ALthough some people find it harder to write. but in the case of this poem I'm not sure youneed to add or take anything away from it. I think it's perfect the wayit is.

    Ilike it...great job

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this poem is pretty good. im not one for rhyming poems (although i am guilty of writing them every once in a while myself) i think when you try to hard to rhyme words, the thick vocabulary is lost in the rhyme. the words dont have as much meaning. but i think you did a pretty damned good job on this one.

    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
      no description necessary, unless you want. this is pretty good but I have a suggestion. try rewriting it withough rhyming anything. I think that would work better. but I am inclined to prefer free verse, so take it for what it's worth! this is just an example of what I mean:

    cold fears becoming real
    like breaths lost
    days forgotten to
    cloud covered fate

    you get my drift. less is more sometimes. give it a try. you might like it!
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

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