No Pain, No Gain by Lost Sheep

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Submission Name: No Pain, No Gain dots

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Author:	Lost Sheep
ASL Info:	41 M Vancouver, WA
Elite Ratio:	6.24 - 909/772/72
Words:	152

Class/Type:	Prose/
Total Views:	362
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	997

Description:
As my own personal protest to the calendar and the scale, I walk two miles every morning and two more at lunch. Both treks are loops that I typically walk the same direction.

Today, I have a flu bug, so instead of walking, I'm writing about yesterday's walk.

I hope it makes sense...

No Pain, No Gain dots

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A path walked many times
Left, right
Well known stones
Familiar trees
Squirrels that are friends
Left, right, left, right

A quick workout
Music in headphones
Left, right
Sweat drips from the brow
Left, right, lef...

A sudden pain
Sitting down, undoing laces
To clear my shoe of a pebble
To rid myself of this intrusion in my normal day

A quick glance back up the path
From this new angle, the world looks strange
The path odd,
Not as well understood

A fresh perspective
Brought on by a stone in a shoe
This bit of pain brings a new look at the world
A viewpoint missed before

Perhaps, it’s true what they say
No pain, no gain

We need to walk a mile after all,
But perhaps we need to suffer a bit
To really see a different point of view

Submitted on 2006-02-08 18:44:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Suffering leads to many lessons and discoveries. About self and life and other people. I love this piece. It is simple, but it shows so much about the world still.
Loveage,
Mike
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved it. This write reminds me of my own constant battle with weight and my walks of ease.
Your work really is great and involves the reader. keep writing I would love to read more of your writing. Great work.
Angie*
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by bbcakes1115 | [ Reply to This ]
  Your idea is a good one, but for the poem itself, I'd suggest paring it down. The idea seems to get lost in the words. For example (I'll only use the first stanza. It is, after all, your poem and I don't want to rewrite it.) Instead of:

A path walked many times
Left, right
Well known stones
Familiar trees
Squirrels that are friends
Left, right, left, right

try something like:

An oft-walked path,
left, right,
Familiar stones,
trees,
squirrel friends.
Left, right.

It doesn't really change the meaning any - or at least I don't think it does. But for me, it focuses the spotlight on the walk. When I first read your poem, I missed the left, right repetition in the first stanza. There was just too much else going on.

Anyway, just my suggestion. It's a very good idea. mae
| Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. This piece is so insightful. I love the last stanza, it is so, so true. It's amazing how such a great idea can come from a simple pebble in your shoe; how something so small can make something with such a big impact. I like how you added two spaces in the middle between reality and your mind (so to speak).

I have to admit, after reading the beginning (and not being in a very attentive mood) I almost didn't read the rest of this piece. But something made me scroll down and glance at the last line and I knew I had to give it a chance. And I'm glad I did. This is very well-written. I think I shall add it to my favorites. :)

-Cari
| Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an excellent poem. I really agree with the sentiment that it’s only by exerting ourselves that we discover new things about our environment. I was walking home by a road I don’t normally take and my mum (Comradenessie) stopped me and because a light was on, I got to see a stunning stained glass window I’d never seen before. This also happened when I was walking past a Church coming home from a friend's this Sunday.
I love how you suggest walking in the ‘left, right, left, right’, it’s so evocative. I think the way you break of the ‘lef’ in the second stanza is really suggestive of that sudden pain, and so original. And the immediacy of the poem, created in part by the ing’s, is exquisite. There's so little to crititicise.The poem is vivid and simple and a delight to read. I would question whether while the four different’s, do add a lot of force and emphasis, they don't dull that sense of sublime wonder.
Perhaps I might also have:

A quick glance back up the path
From this different angle,
the world looks different
The path odd,
Not as well understood

But you’re the collocation king.
This is such a fantastic poem, about a superb theme. Thank you for sharing it.

Peace, love and empathy,
Speacenik.
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
  Your work is often so deeply caring, perhaps because you so often do see things from a different perspective. Much of your work is themed around the lonely, suffering, homeless. Have you ever thought of publishing a collection based on this. Either for yourself or to rise money for one of the causes you care so much about. I'm just one of, I am sure, a number of people who would be ready customers.
lol
nessie
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
  Very good poem. This is very well written and expressed and you really touch on a very important thing here. You must walk a mile in someone else's shoes to truly understand their viewpoint, their suffering. This is so very true. It is very easy to judge others by mere circumstance but to understand someone fully, you must have the experience yourself. Compassion is all well in good, but to really relate you need to taste it yourself. This poem is very thought provoking and many people could stand to read this one. A valuable lesson to be learned through your words. You always seem to capture these things brilliantly with your writings and your sense of awareness is awesome. Another deep and meaningful poem by you. Amazing what a simple pebble in the shoe can do! Nice work. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Simple and straightforward is your style (with a parable about the revelatory powers of discomfort shifting perspective from mere exercise to a moment of introspection worthy of an Isaac B. Singer short story). Perspective can be everything to a writer (and explains why so many read so voraciously in search of unique viewpoints). This was a nicely done short story with rhythm. Take care. Bill.
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Neatly done, Steve. I absolutely LOVE a good idea, and you dragged this out of your talent sack and chucked it on the barby, then served it medium rare, in words that everyone could relate to.

I have to say it again...neat!

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, what a great spin on this thought of perspective. yeah i guess its all about perspective. it shows that once the pain is over and the obstacle removed, one can continue the journey that was briefly halted...yeah i needed to read this especially today...gives me more motivation to start my journey again, after a momentary lapse, just to regain my perspective...thanks for the read.

-Nikki
| Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  Steve
This is one heck of a write
I really liked the idea you used for your theme
Something as simple as a stone in your shoe can wake us up to realize change brimgs new feelings and new dreams
Excellent Write Steve
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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