Forever in Goodbye by nicklacymatthew

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Submission Name: Forever in Goodbye dots

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Author:	nicklacymatthew
ASL Info:	28/F/WI
Elite Ratio:	5.02 - 105/96/36
Words:	203

Class/Type:	Poetry/Lostfriend
Total Views:	254
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1152

Description:
I wrote this last year for my sister. We lost a friend to cancer, one of her dearest, and for her to walk away the last time, knowing she would never see her agian... well... who can ever explain that kind of pain?

Forever in Goodbye dots

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How do you say goodbye,
When you know it'll be the last?
Knowing the next time you see them,
It'll be in memories from the past?

What words can you use,
To say what you feel inside?
When they look in your eyes,
And your sorrow you can't hide?

How can you send them on,
To their home up in the sky?
Knowing when you walk away,
You're saying forever in goodbye.

How do you let them go,
Knowing it will be forever?
Knowing this will be the last time,
You'll ever have together?

How can you whisper the words,
Knowing they'll be gone any day?
That the next time you see them,
God will have taken them away?

Your eyes fill with tears,
As you hug them and turn to go.
It's the last touch you'll ever share,
And the tears begin to flow.

You now have to send them on,
To their home up in the sky.
Knowing when you walked away,
You said forever in goodbye.

Submitted on 2006-02-08 20:49:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Ok, i admire each stanza of this. my only critique, the rythm being smooth and all, and the ryhmes unforced, is that some stanza's are unnecessary.

I think 3 4 and the final stanza could be cut to make the peice have mroe emotional affect. the last stanza's message is implied strngly enough int eh previous that i'd let it go, and 3 and 4 greatly resemble 1 2 and 5, so i'd let them go.

i do not mean any of these stanza are weak, it's just that how i'd streamline it. i like teh writing, simple yet poignant.

A challenge: try painting the entire picture in fewer words. small specific thigns that paint the entire picture. the muddy child's boots sitting by the doorway, the rain on the windows outside, the screen door swings open, the boots are gone.

now you know the girls gone out to play in the rain in those 4 vignettes. it's not a good one, but you get the point. that's why i like the 5th stanza. it has details in it: the tears, the final hug. it's better than generic questions because people connect to those details.

good write. keep it up!
-Moot
| Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by AptPupilofLife2 | [ Reply to This ]
  First, thanks for the encouraging words you gave when you commented on Selfish Grieving - they really do help.

And this is amazing. I read it and remember it being exactly the same way I felt when the doctor told us my grandmom was dying and I had to say goodbye for the night (forever). This was simple, but it said exactly what needed to be said.

Again, thank you.
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked this poem because recently i just lost my bestfriend and i really didnt get a real chance to say good bye. But its hard to say good bye to someone you known all your life so me personally i dont thinkit is a true way to say good bye sorry about going on and on what im trying to say is that i really enjoyed your poem
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Tash | [ Reply to This ]
  i know i've heard this before.. however it's different when you read it.. i thank you for this poem.. made me cry.. still a hurtful deal.. as it will remain to be.. your support means the world to me.. and you're writting ability blows me away... if i don't tell ya that enough, please know it..
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Justmenow14 | [ Reply to This ]

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