Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sperm Donordots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faln_angl
    ASL Info:    25/f/MN
    Elite Ratio:    4.66 - 99/96/17
    Words: 254
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1156
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1552



    Description:
       I have a few things to say before you read this I wrote it a while back. I was with my ex for 3 years and when I learned I was pregnant he begged me to get an abortion. I didn't. Needless to say I never talked to him again. I ended up very sick and lost the baby in December, and never told him. This is the first draft, unchanged but a few words, and I don't want to make any changes. I just want to put it out there. Maybe someone will read it and change their ways
    I want to dedicate this to all the kids out there without a dad, and to the baby I lost.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSperm Donordots
    -------------------------------------------


    A brand new life
    layed inside
    You swept us both
    out of your mind.
    Nonexistance,
    ignorance is bliss.
    You said you didn't sign on
    for any of this.

    Well, what do I say,
    a few years down the line,
    When he wants his father
    in his life?
    How do I tell him
    you walked away,
    Leaving us to struggle
    every damn day?


    I always thought of you
    as a stand up kind of man,
    But when it came down to it,
    we were abandoned.
    You ran off,
    started a new life.
    You begged me to murder
    this innocent little life.

    So what do I say,
    a few years down the line,
    When he wants his father
    to be a part of his life?
    How do I keep it in,
    when it hurts so bad,
    How do I tell him
    he doesn't have a dad?

    I know I'll be a good mother,
    I know I'll raise him right.
    I'll teach him to be a gentleman,
    and to always be kind.
    I'll love him more than anything,
    and I'll always hide the truth.
    Even though you're a part of him,
    he'll never act like you.

    Whatever I tell him,
    I have a few years to decide.
    Before he says he wants
    his daddy to be in his life.
    Then I'll make up a lie,
    and it will break my heart.
    But my son will never know
    what a coward you are.




    Submitted on 2006-02-08 22:38:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh my gawd... it is soooo emotional. It is "awe"some, pure and simple. I wish I could secribe it better, the raw power behind the words, the chilling effects dripping down my spine as I read, and I tremble at the words on my screen. 8)

    Acid
    | Posted on 2006-05-25 00:00:00 | by Acid | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow a lot of feedback. I to know your pain. I was 17 when I got pregnant (the second time, the first was a miscarriage at one month pregnant) and the father told me to abort, I didn't, and now I have 14 year old identical twin girls, which he denied for years. I also lost my son when I was five months pregnant (another one he wanted me to abort, because he had spina bifida, and water on the brain). I truly feel your pain, don't change a word. It's full of emotion, like every good poem if you(the reader) can feel the emotions of the writer then it is great. By the way God took my son's life, I didn't.
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by vonnie | [ Reply to This ]
      Why are guys such [censored]s? I relate to this poem...I had a same experience and my boyfriend asked me to do that too...You are better off...and it was a great poem you are truly gifted
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by haileebobailee | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i am so sorry to hear about that... i had no idea... this is just. Wow. you'd make a damn good parent. My aunt and uncle (they took me in once i came out of my coma [3 weeks]) and treated me like a slave... i would've killed to have a parent like you... and someone who does something he knows he should think about, just runs from his descision... leaving you to support another... you must have had to endured hell... him telling you to abort it... an innocent life, that did nothing wrong. A mere child that had never done anything to anyone... that only was hated because he came to be... a crime he had no control over... and the father realized he made a mistake and wanted to erase it. Unable to be man enough to stand up and take responsability. He didn't care... if you had aborted it, he probably wouldn't have been in the same room even. Just so long as it's gone... but would he learn? Or would he repeat his mistake and years down the road still not have the courage to take on the great challenge. The reason we exist... what's the point in creating it if he's only going to destroy it... i wish there weren't people like that in the world...

    but overall, this piece is overbearing in perfection! It doesn't just present itself to the reader, making them aware of the emotions that are felt. It screams, it cries and forces itself upon the reader with every word... don't change a thing...
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
      First I want to say I'm sorry for you loss and I'm applauding you for your courage to write such a person experience like this. This poem shows the reader a strong person and it's written with a lot of feirce emotion. I honestly hope things are going much better for you now.
    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by RumnMoxie | [ Reply to This ]
      At fist I thought this was some sort of humour poem, when I saw the title. Of course I realized that it was not.

    I sort of could relate to this, cause although I am no mother, and neither have I been abandonen by a husband, I have a father that in a way left us. He didnt bother to have anything to do with me and my siblings. Not that I cared, cause he was an ashole.

    My point is, here the other day, my sister (7years) cried and asked wy her father wasnt there. She claimed that he still loved her. I just wanted to shout to her. Get a grip. He doesnt love you, and will never.
    But what I really did say was ;

    Look sweethart. There are people that just doesnt make good parent. Even if they want to, they jusk dont manage it. Daddy loved you, but he just couldnt be the father that you needed. We are all different. Some people are good at cooking, others at gardening. Some people knows how to be good parents, others get scared and leave. We cant change who we are...


    Lovely poem!
    I believe you would have been a great parent, and probably will someday be one. If not, then at least you have a lot of love to give to all those children that have none.
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      There is nothing scarier than becoming a Mom no matter how many times you do it, except the thought or reality that it won't happen. Here are some tears for your loss, though they could never be enough, and kudos for standing up and sticking with your heart.
    Some will always only think of themselves, but your poem has already reached ot to touch many of us here.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! Talk about wishing you used a condom type of write. Yeah, men shouldnt stick it in without one unless they are prepared for the consequences and the long haul of fatherhood. This brings up many emotions and thoughts. On one hand you have to smile at the love that was shared through the eyes of these two during "that" night of conception...on the other hand, you have to blame them both for not being mature enough to think about birth control and then either him or her not wanting a family or wanting it so bad that one or the other wanted to have a pregnancy happen, ya know? Does that make sense?

    I think your poem was quite fitting with the description and it was written in a very well and thought out manner because it brings to light a very serious scenario that happens far too often. Very good stuff.

    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      wow...I will admit this title caught my eye...being a single mother...and the content well...lets just say Thank Goodness for waterproof mascara...

    I'm sorry for your loss...but do know that God does work in mysterious ways...hard to accept...I couldn't imagine a day with out my babies...keep in mind He never gives you more then you can bare...One day that coward will have to live with his choices...karma baby...karma...

    much love..

    Tina
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      That's so sad ... men never want the responsibility of children. I went through a similar situation.
    This is an incredibly well written poem, especially for a first draft.
    You are a very talented writer
    keep posting stuff
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Psychohenry32 | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all I know how this feels, my father didn't walk out but he was killed when I was only 8. This poem is very well done it hits home, and has a nice flow. the only part I would say could use some help was

    I always thought of you
    as a stand up kind of man,
    But when it came down to it,
    we were abandoned.

    Only because abandoned didn't seem to fit in so well to me. Other then that keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Dark Muse | [ Reply to This ]
      This was fairly well written.

    It's amazing when people surprise you like that. You think they'll stay and they say they love you and all but when they get hit with something - they take off...

    Been there myself :-

    And I would be honest with the kid myself.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by sandaledfeet | [ Reply to This ]
      Such an honest piece. Really expressive and blunt. It shows how painful that whole process is. Sometimes are feelings are biased, but what mother wouldn't be?
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Sunray | [ Reply to This ]
      what u've written is very touching... i feel like crying while reading... (its because i grew up without a dad by my side)
    i felt ur emotions and its well-expressed.
    though i quite didnt like the idea in these last few lines:
    "Then I'll make up a lie,
    and it will break my heart.
    But my son will never know
    what a coward you are."

    i just dont think u have to lie, yeah at first its ok, but eventually u have to tell how it really was...
    this one is just me but i like it more as "But my son will surely know what a coward you are.."
    hehehe c".)
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by jane_kiedis | [ Reply to This ]
      alot of things come to mind when i first read this poem. i am glad that you explained a couple of things before it. knowing the details for me is what made it more intense. the whole irony of the situation is very chilling. that you are a writing to a child who you think will not have his father when in reality it was you who did not have a child. instead of wanting to console this child with you... i want to console you.
    as far as the literary aspect of this poem. i think it was an easy read. i got somewhat confused when you made the transition from speaking to your child to the father and then the child again. i am not really good with grammar and punctuation so i really cant help in that area. not bad for a first draft...
    | Posted on 2006-02-08 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]
      I absoutly loved this poem. And I want to say that I am very sorry for the loss of your child and that the father ran away. But i suppose that it is a good thing that you learned that he was a loser.
    And concerning the poem. I loved the flow, the lines were each about equal and they were short. That made for a bit of a nice flow. I think that my favorite line is,
    'I'll love him more than anything,
    and I'll always hide the truth.
    Even though you're a part of him,
    he'll never act like you."
    I loved what this ment...that you were going to be a good mother, and that he would be bertter off with out his father. And the last stanza was wonderful. The last line had sort of a 'I don't need you I am better then that' air to it.
    I am so so very sorry about your loss, but in the end it will all work out. You will find a good man, one who will love you and not ever even think of leaving you because you are pregnant, and then you will have a child. Mabey even two, or three. And although it will never replace what you lost, you will be crazy happy and you wont even remember that other fellow's name.
    Blessed be, dear friend.
    Jessie
    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90631

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry