Description: ok so this is a second attempt at capturing the raw feelings and passionthat I experienced with this guy,
Please understand that when I say that my skin was bruised and bleeding I do not mean that he hurt me, but our relationship was one that was based on sex and we are both wild lovers. If that makes any sense.
This is much better. Your a lot more descriptive and it has a definite ending..the reader is not left hanging. i sometimes think that describing a relationship is one of the hardest things to do. The difference between the two is night and day...great revision. jan
this is one write that I cant believe came from you This is deep and emotional and I do not think this is too strongly put You captured that feeling of ecstacy one achieves when they are in the throws of pasiion I liked tghis one A definate change of pace for you God Bless Your Friend Ron
This describes the complete abandon of passion very well, especially "no fixed sight to point my gaze". Everything sort of dissolves. You have written waves here, building and falling away ("I begin to feel shy again"). In fact, this is written exactly as I can imagine it feels. Well done.