Passion Unbridled - revised
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Description:
ok so this is a second attempt at capturing the raw feelings and passionthat I experienced with this guy,
Please understand that when I say that my skin was bruised and bleeding I do not mean that he hurt me, but our relationship was one that was based on sex and we are both wild lovers. If that makes any sense.
Again comments are greatly welcomed
Please understand that when I say that my skin was bruised and bleeding I do not mean that he hurt me, but our relationship was one that was based on sex and we are both wild lovers. If that makes any sense.
Again comments are greatly welcomed
Passion Unbridled - revised
When you gently kiss my neck My senses awaken I no longer feel Shy or intimidated I feel Beautiful and wanted when you caress my skin it burns a path Desire building inside me I can’t stand to wait Passion takes over As your hands reach their destination Unbottled, unbridled, no fixed sight to point my gaze, I cry out in desperation You hold my arms tightly And push me against the table Large hand prints on my arms But I hardly care Your lips crash against mine In a painful but hot kiss My hands fumble for your jeans I begin to feel shy again At the end of the night My skin bruised and bleeding I lie in your strong embrace Your hot lips brushing against mine |
Submitted on 2006-02-08 23:46:54 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| This is much better. Your a lot more descriptive and it has a definite ending..the reader is not left hanging. i sometimes think that describing a relationship is one of the hardest things to do. The difference between the two is night and day...great revision. jan | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ] | Tink | WOW this is one write that I cant believe came from you This is deep and emotional and I do not think this is too strongly put You captured that feeling of ecstacy one achieves when they are in the throws of pasiion I liked tghis one A definate change of pace for you God Bless Your Friend Ron | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ] | This describes the complete abandon of passion very well, especially "no fixed sight to point my gaze". Everything sort of dissolves. You have written waves here, building and falling away ("I begin to feel shy again"). In fact, this is written exactly as I can imagine it feels. Well done. | | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ] | |
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