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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rush of Blood to the Headdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disco superfly
    Elite Ratio:    3.05 - 15/17/4
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 671
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 928



    Description:
       Gah, this needs help.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRush of Blood to the Headdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slowing kissing your kiss goodbye
    while dreaming of those dreamy eyes.
    The walls start to crumble as we dance
    tell me, baby, is this romance?

    Gentle breeze, embrace the night
    this kind of love doesn't survive in the light.
    And as we gaze upon the harvest moon
    just one look, I'm teary soon.

    Cover my albino skin with the petals of the sun
    I don't know if you're aware, but you're my number one.
    I guess that you don't love me now, so drop off all the blame
    it would be so much better, you know, if I just felt the same.

    Acacias sing a lullaby thats meant for only the weak
    so now you're gone and what am I besides lonely and meek?
    And now I really feel like I'm falling, for now it's over once more
    And so content in isolation, I collaspe onto the floor.




    Submitted on 2006-02-09 05:56:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was sad, and was written very well. I agree with what the others have been saying, if you need help with making it flow, sing your poems words to the tune of one of your favorite songs. Believe me, it helps so much.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem works in it's rhyming but barely without the feeling of forcing. I Liked the way it starts out leading into a blissful scene and exiting with acceptance of an isolation. It could really work well in freestyle ...but of course this you poem. A good one. `always write poetry, Cheryl.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with lana also. Let it flow! I did like the ideas to this poem and the emotion is portrayed. Loving is easy, but getting love in return is hard to get. Anyways, I liked this one today!
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by nasuka | [ Reply to This ]
      Shows the helplessness that the poet is trying to potray.. Although I must agree with Lana that maybe you should let the words flow and not rhyme it too much.. It's not a necessity to write a rhyming poem.
    It beholds a subtle anguish that the poet has and also accepts his helplessness as the support he had seems to have slipped from under him.
    Good imaginative work... Write more
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by innuendo | [ Reply to This ]
      Maybe instead of Slowing you cans say Slowly and in the second stanza first verse instead of only embrace it could be embraces. Other than that it is pretty good. Although try not to force a rhyme scheme so much.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Lana | [ Reply to This ]


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