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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Marchdown to the Factorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: losing_focus
    ASL Info:    19/ f/ Georgia
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 65/97/28
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 240
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 812



    Description:
       Ideas and comments are greatly appreciated!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMarchdown to the Factorydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Synthetic voices call for order,
    They cant control the crowd
    They've been waiting for their chance to be heard,
    And their time is now.
    A slender man of younger years,
    Bereated by their childish fears,
    Cries 'fuck this drama! Fuck you all!'
    His voice backed by a thousand cheers
    'We don't need your top ten hits,
    Keep your best and worst dressed lists
    The magazines and cover whores,
    Who flirt in 2-D wont be missed
    Your petty institution
    Of purchased hearts and plastic gods
    Foundation made to cover up
    A nation full of flaws'
    They march down to the factory
    To where it all began
    To call forth the one they search for
    Towards their true god, Man




    Submitted on 2006-02-09 09:54:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved this. It was so interesting...I read it twice in amazement. :]

    The only mistakes I saw were a couple of grammar errors, but they can easily be fixed to make this a perfect piece.

    Great job.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by disco superfly | [ Reply to This ]
      Man, seems like you're channeling the rage of the late industrial revolution, the workers at Henry Ford's plants and Norma Raye in every single line.

    Too cool. Really, this is a way cool piece.

    The syallabic structure is off here and there, but the rage at which the poem reads covers that over to make it seem more natural.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Todd
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way u think cuz u think a lot like me... sick of all the fiction advertising is feeding me, sick of all the treaty's governments sign, sick of hollywood, sick that a half naked model can lure me by the dick to the coke machine. When u cry "[censored] this drama, [censored] u all" ill be in the crowd too cheering.
    | Posted on 2006-03-04 00:00:00 | by strike three | [ Reply to This ]
      Something i'm wondering as I read this: are you a fan of Ayn Rand? Something in this peice just reminds me of "Atlas Shrugged" It was like a vague familiar impression, and then the last line really set it off. Great work
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by thor_s avatar | [ Reply to This ]



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