[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Trying So Harddots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 303
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1820

       Just things floating through my mind. The first part is true, and I wish the second was too. But it's just wishful thinking...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrying So Harddots

    She sprays his cologne on her teddy bear,
    Cries herself to sleep again.
    She tosses and turns for hours at a time,
    Wakes up with his scent on her skin.
    She tries not to look at the empty space beside her,
    The part of the bed that was his.
    She stares at the ceiling, tears forming in her eyes,
    Trying not to think about where he is.
    When she gets up, she stands in the shower,
    The water hot enough to scald her skin.
    Her tears fall rapidly and she wonders,
    If this is how love truly ends.

    She tries so hard to stop loving him.
    She tries so hard not to feel.
    She tries to tell herself that none of it
    Was ever truly real.
    But she remembers the touch of his skin,
    And the eyes that were so, so blue.
    And she'll never forget the look on his face
    When he said, "I love you."

    He lies beside the sleeping figure
    Of the woman he's professed to love.
    And if such is the case, he wonders,
    Why it's not her he's thinking of.
    He walks past a window in a crowded room,
    Looks at the face on the other side.
    He longs to touch the skin
    Of the woman that he denied.
    He tells her that he's happy
    As his world threatens to come apart,
    And he wonders if she's not the one,
    Why she won't leave his heart.

    He tries so hard to stop loving her.
    He tries so hard not to feel.
    He almost convinces himself that none of it
    Was ever truly real.
    But he remembers the touch of her skin,
    And the eyes that are so, so blue.
    And he'll never forget the look on her face,
    When she said "I love you."

    Submitted on 2006-02-09 10:15:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      everyone's said it. Although too emotional for my tastes-but that's how your poetry is. I challenge you to write about something you feel deeply that maybe isn't so close to home-do you want world peace, how bout saving those whales, I think you would go far if you looked beyond your private life for your poetry.
    | Posted on 2006-10-05 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely f***** love this one... maybe it's because I relate to it soooo much right this very moment. I recently broke up with my fiance and he claims he never loved me and I was never the one... and I foolishly told him the same thing. I don't want him back because life with him was chaotic... but I can relate to both figures in this poem. I love how it's from two points of view and how you repeat the one stanza but in a not-repeating sort of way, lol, because there are some differences. I don't know -- I'm usually very critical, but this poem just touched me.

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      Within this poems simplicity lies such a deep complexity. I am blown away by the amount of feeling you have put into this, and I want you to know that you had me in tears before I was even done with the first stanza. And when I actually was able to see thru my blurry eyes again, that last sentence, "Her tears fall rapidly and she wonders, If this is how love truly ends." OMG, I think my heart stopped beating for a second.
    Your choice of words are perfect. You have caught the deepest emotions-and from two points of view with such simple words. It was easy to follow, to flo, and they truly allowed your emotions to shine thru every letter. This is a grand poem. Beautiful...truly, simply beautiful.

    | Posted on 2006-02-25 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      She tries so hard to stop loving him.
    She tries so hard not to feel.
    She tries to tell herself that none of it
    Was ever truly real.
    But she remembers the touch of his skin,
    And the eyes that were so, so blue.
    And she'll never forget the look on his face
    When he said, "I love you."
    Only difference is that his were brown but I love these lines theyre perfect for what was on my mind a few days ago.Your a great writer,your heart over others opinions right.Well later
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by nosferotu_gurl | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the way you talked of this. how often you do you think they stay in love and still choose to leave. some people can't handle the beauty of that kind of love and choose to run. it's sad to think, but all you can do is hope for the best.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really pretty...and I think that you did really well, this poem could have ended up rushed or the concept could have been spoiled by the repitition. But no, it was perfect. I really sincerely loved it.

    You should come by on Friday and show me your tatoo and then maybe me and you and Cory and Jess and Steven can go see that movie.

    But if not you can still come show me your tattoo.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

    As I read that I thought: That would make a great Country song!

    I liked how you write from two different perspectives, each person unaware of the other's true feelings, and each so LIKE the other in their wants and needs.

    Well written.

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! that poem truly spoke to me, I saw the two people and felt their emotions. It takes a talented writer to have that effect on their readers. Thanks for letting me read it, it was a great poem. Keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
    ...you no those moments when ones heart rate slows down and you are 2seconds and 2 breathes away from shedding a tear...thats were this poem got me. it is soooooo well written!

    "She tries so hard to stop loving him.
    She tries so hard not to feel.
    She tries to tell herself that none of it
    Was ever truly real."- if only one could persuade oneself out of loving someone! ((wishful thinking))

    wel done

    Keep spreading the love
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    This written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    The Promise written by annie0888
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Linger written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]