Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Adolescents Riddle& When I Diedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FrankBlissett
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 206/191/66
    Words: 224
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 143
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1554



    Description:
       Here are two poems - "Adolescent's Riddle" and "When I Die". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAdolescents Riddle& When I Diedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Adolescent's Riddle

    I have two legs, one heart and many minds,
    A body at times larger than my brain knows.
    Fresh knowledge courses, but little wisdom,
    As I make foes of friends, friends from foes.
    What am I?

    Once enfeebled and bedridden, I run with the wind,
    And best last year's hero with a record I'm sure will last.
    The night is still new to me, thus I embrace it all the more.
    Indifferent to dangers, I won't learn from another's past.
    What am I?

    I have known love (barely), know of the world but have yet to see it,
    Know the words but not the meanings, the hows but not the whys.
    I'm told the world is for the taking, yet they bind me with their rules,
    Then tell me to take charge of life, and imprison my soul if I try.
    What am I?


    When I Die

    When I die don't lie about me.
    On my memorial don't write
    Of my undying faith,
    Don't tell of peace and contentment.
    Don't engrave images of doves or harps,
    Or a man peacefully thinking.
    Just write my name above and a dash below,
    And if you must include an image,
    Make it a picture of truth.






    Submitted on 2006-02-09 13:19:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ahh, good ol frank. the riddle, quite a brilliant riddle. you seem to remember well what being an adolescent was all about. sadly, time, her hands so cruel, changing the tempo like some mad conductor. honestly, this really sent me back a couple years, full of questions and actually bothered about stuff. wide eyedity of it all. damn the follies, damn them all!

    the second one, (hmm, i dont really know how you write these things, whether at the same time, or mixing em up.) has a cradle to the grave kind of feel, when juxtaposed (which is a style all your own i think) with the first one. it seems that the "when i die" has figured out things, or seen the big picture, hence the epitaphical analogy and has found the only thing that matters.

    but then again, what is truth really? these two might very well be in the same boat.

    -pietro
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]
      The first work possesses a staggering energy that seems thwarted by the necessity of the adolescent to grow into the power he/she has attained ('What am I?', child or adult or both?). I enjoy the second because there's an underlying realization that there are more important topics to be dealt with than the like/dislike of the world left behind (I wasn't an angel, I wasn't a devil, I was me. Period). I'm afraid this one was a dead heat; both are excellent. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      There is a desperation in adolescent riddle that strikes a chord with me. It comes across in the repetition of the final line of each stanza.
    My one issue with the poem is the first two lines of the second stanza. They are too personal for it to be a riddle. It moves the answer to the riddle from being "an Adolescent" to "Frank as an adolescent". Does that make sense? It cuts the reader out. It looses universality and the riddle nature of the poem begs for a more universal approach.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.