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    dots Submission Name: Since forever became yesterdaydots

    Author: Brownsdelight
    ASL Info:    25/F/NUEVO MEXICO
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 1251/1055/115
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1513
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 587


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSince forever became yesterdaydots

    Pictures gather dust
    Bed left unmade
    Lifeís lost its routine
    Since loves gone astray

    Getting upís a chore
    Sleepís a long lost friend
    Walking through the days
    Waiting on time to mend

    Going through life
    As though in a trance
    Dwelling on memories
    Trying to live in the past

    Numbed to the soul
    Emotionally void
    Once wishes and hopes
    Now are destroyed

    Left alone
    Trying to understand
    The reasoning
    Behind fateís hand.

    Submitted on 2006-02-09 14:42:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      That is what I felt like, until not to long ago. I mean I still find myslef sleep walking through life sometimes wishing and wanting, but slowly I start to pick the pieces back up. I think I am finding my truth once again. As for the poem I can tell this come from a heart with stiches. There was lots of emotion in this poem. Wishes and hopes now are destroyed, that is what you wrote, very sly and good. I am impressed by your talent Ms. delight. I think if you go professional you can be a real star.
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      First I must say I love the title,it so rock.

    Like a shotgun in the wind blasting away this poem is, you will always hear the sounds of your dear friend, yet you won't see the bullet or them again.

    The question one must ask themselves, is it better to have such a great friend and lose it or never have it, my choice I would rather have all the pain that came with the love of my friend.

    The poem has a soothing feeling,though you have suffered a great lost, which means to me ,this person is still with you.

    Bravo to for writing something for your dear friend and honoring all that you both had.
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Soul mates? Yeah right. When and Where does anyone ever find that anymore? I believe in true love, I just find that it's usually unreciprocated. One person loves, hard, as the other one looks the other way.

    I like the way that you're poetry is easily read. I think the ryhming keeps it that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to downplay it or accuse it of lack of sophistication, because that would not be true.

    Nietchze hated poets. He said that they built mendacious word bridges. This is straight as an arrow, and I do like it.

    I especially like the first stanza, and the way that the loss of routine widens the gap in the heart. (did that just make sense?) Anyway, I'm gonna continue reading. I have been in love with a girl for 13 years. No matter how hard I try, I can't make it go away. I'm convinced that if she were mine, I'd no longer have a need for poetry. That's why I hate poetry so much. It bleeds in me. Hot. That's why I relate to your poetry. The longing, and the angst side of it.
    Take care,
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by afterglow | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this piece. 1.) the title is AMAZING. i was once taught without a great title your writing would not be complete. it should be something powerful, something that grabs the reader and makes them WANT to read deeper into this already awsomely titled piece. and i think youve done a great job with that. 2.) it touches on something most definitely everyone has experience or WILL experience at some point in their life. therefore, you've written something the reader can definitely relate to on a personal level. everyone knows what its like to not want to get out of bed in the morning because of this thing or that. everyong has dwelled on their past at some time...this creates a relationship between the reader and the piece they are reading. and you have done a great job with that also.

    kudos for you! :-)
    | Posted on 2006-02-13 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, can definitely relate to this, for so many reasons... Questioning fate, wondering why your life turned out the way it did, it's enough to drive one crazy. I swear that's what it's doing to me. I for one choose to believe that there are brighter days ahead. For you, for me, for all of us. Beautiful job sis, definitely a favorite. ...bb...

    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      While reading this... I let a tear go... seems like I am going through the same situation right now... trying to go back and see if I can do something different to change and still have the one I love... it is so hard... I wake up think about her... I go to class still think about her but a little less... I go home and there is where it really hits me up... I love the title choice for it and I love the hit after hit after hit style of writing you used... give them the info and then make one strong point... this is really really good writing you have here... keep it up

    Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt myself relating a lot to this piece because of my personal experience with clinical depression...mine was not caused by a love-gone-wrong or heartbreak, but the description of how everything becomes a chore and it is difficult to even get up out of bed let alone MAKE the bed rings home, as does the living as though in a trance and feeling empty and void of soul...

    Well written, universally-relatable...nice job!
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad stuff here EGB. Fate or choice? Usually its simpler to believe in that fate stuff than to actually face the fact that accountability for ones actions sometimes lead to this loneliness stuff aint it?

    This had a brisk, sweeping structure to it that set the pace and held the readers interest.

    Nice write!
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I can truly relate to this feeling. You expressed the pain and mourning over lost love so well, it was like you took a page out of my old diaries. this had the feel of life coming to a stand still because everything changed and was unexpected. It was very moving and tear jerking to read. Great write. A sure fav of mine.

    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great write, there is nothing bad to be said here. I'm speechless. Defenately a fav...wow! From the title to the period at the end this is beautiful.

    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by faln_angl | [ Reply to This ]
      There isn't anything I can say that everyone else hasn't already said and I agree with them it is indeed a wonderful write think I'll add it to my fav
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      Very beautiful write and so sad and lonely. I could feel the ppain myself!
    Sometimes it helps to just get it all out I guess...
    I think this is to the point and I have no suggestions of change, seems fine just the way it is.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      It beautiful. My friend is going through this right now, she doesnt get up, she dosent eat, she doesnt sleep, shes a reck. This kinda puts her problems into perspective for me. thanks for the help
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by TruDeath92 | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, this aches me right in the heart.. having been
    in this place, and not too very long ago, it hits home.
    i'll tell ya, though, it does get easier and the sun
    does shine again.. i like your title as well. we think
    something is going to last forever, but how
    realistic is that, really? it's sad. as for understanding "fate's hand," i don't know that we
    ever can. there are lessons to be learned, i think,
    with every relationship, if we are open enough
    to learn them. i wish you peace in your soul
    and love anew in your heart.

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good and well written write
    You expressed yourself perfectly in this one
    Please just remember
    You are never alone
    There is always someone there to help you when you are down
    And when there is no one in sight
    Just look to your Heart and there you will find the Lord waiting to help You
    God Bless
    Your Friend

    Please keep in touch
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

    yes, it has gone astray hasnt it?

    *deeper sigh*

    this is speaking straight to my freakin soul...and my soul is a lil pissed off, but sad as He.ll...yeah we'll get through it...what other choice do we have?

    but at least we dont have to do it alone!

    loves you

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, great title. I loved it. It was short and nice. Powerfull yet simple, everything I like in poems. Good job, and great write.
    I dont really relate to it much, but thats only because I have never felt this emotions, but you describe having them very well...
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      Let it out girl!

    I should have just put a . in here and left it at that since you pulled one on me earlier! LMFAO!

    This was beautiful...yet painful! So much we deserve...and we are great people...and we are scarred. Ugh...It sucks!

    We'll get there girl!

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful! i haven't been around much reading anything and i'm glad to find this as one of the first i have! you still are an amazing writer. not much else to say, this is a wonderful piece and i adore it!

    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Why wont this just let me say "Well aint that the truth" Cause what more really needs said?

    Well written, the only reason I dont like your word choice is because its so well said and too close to home...well done

    I'm thinking you stole this from my mind...
    "Getting upís a chore
    Sleepís a long lost friend
    Walking through the days
    Waiting on time to mend"
    I like it - a lot
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. that title is so damn powerful.
    i love the short lines
    and the short verses
    it seems to make what your saying more pointed, more direct.
    beautifully done.
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great. I am still there in that place. But I'm recovering. I love your poetry, it's like you must be my feelings twin. We're always writing about the same things. This was terrific.
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
    I waz just read'n your poem here and I agree with everything you said or atleast should I say I understand everything you said. The only thing I want to point out is if you have good, true, friends then your never really alone. But it sure can seem and feel like sometimes. And true friends are very hard to find.
    You were very direct with your thoughts when writing this and I can appreciate when someone is direct and truthful. That alone to me makes it a good write.
    So, there you have my opinion for what it's worth...
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Man, it took me a while to get down to the comment box.. whew, give me a minute...
    Okay, now that I have my breath, I'll comment(lol).

    The title is in fact very attention getting, but the poem itself moved me and I am touched by the sincerity of the feelings you injected here.

    When love leaves.. it's a monster struggle to try and bounce back. "Numbed to the soul".. that about says it.

    Good writing!
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]

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