untitled by irvine

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Submission Name: untitled dots

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Author:	irvine_valentin
ASL Info:	18/Male/Plymouth UK
Elite Ratio:	3.1 - 43/74/15
Words:	77

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	243
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	496

Description:
This was a poem that I wrote after something shoked my world...and not in a good way, it is/was my journal entry and i felt I should put it down here

untitled dots

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Don't you hate it when you let people slip through your fingers,
When you can pin point the moment your heart stops.
The sensation which makes you wish you were dead,
to crawl up into a ball
and just end your life there and then
I miss her already
Iknow it's stupid
I should just accept what's happened has happened
What's done is done
I can't turn back time
I can't make her love me
Ever

Submitted on 2006-02-09 20:10:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
  I don't see this as poetry, more like what it really is a page from your diary. It seem to be a constant theme with your work to speak of this person who her you. I can relate to your current feelings, and I've wrote all kinds of poems on my heartache. But I also branched out. I would love to see you use your talent on other subjects outside of this heratache. I want to see is there more to you than this girl controlling your life even in memories. I'm not sying write something up right away, but think about it. you have a way with words...let the world see just how good. Overall, this was really good.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  I think that everybody at some point in their lives can relate to what you've written here.

Nice job...I like the imagery of people slipping through your fingers...
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
  omg, who hurt you this bad?!?!? I know how you feel though, but I felt this way about this older guy, he's 18 and is still my guitar teacher. I felt like I was in love and I thought he felt the same, but, then I found out he had a girlfriend and new he didn't feel the same, love really sucks. I hope you cheer up, I really do.

To the poem now. I liked it a lot. It conveyed your feelings and showed just how much you felt for this person, whoever they are. Depressed poems seem to work good for you.
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  What I find interesting is that it seems more like a conversation. But I know that we've all felt this way and I enjoy the way that you used the monumental moments but then you just go right to the negative which is something we all face. I would've gone in depth in another way just so that we can all get the bigger picture about it
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by BrokenStream | [ Reply to This ]
  Shit. I'm such a [censored]. But I did promise, so I'm okay.

Nice piece. You were right when you said depression is your muse.

I'm really sorry. I really am.
Oh and movies are boring!

Luv ya
| Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  That's so sad, but so pretty.
(I guess sadness kind of has a way of being beautiful. At least, thats how I see it.)

On the bright side, bad things seem to inspire wonderful poetry.

"I should just accept what's happened has happened"

Yeah, saying that is a lot easier than actually doing it.

"Don't you hate it when you let people slip through your fingers,
When you can pin point the moment your heart stops."

Those are the best lines ever. The kind of words that just reach in and rip your heart out, you know?

I love it.

Very nicely done
-nikkki
| Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

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