Description: This is mostly how I've been feeling recently. I'm tempted to try to turn this into a longer, more expressive poem, but I'm not sure if I can do it without losing the mood.
Lethargy: A Definition -------------------------------------------
Lethargy: slowness, sluggishness
Moving slower than is possible
To successfully escape the cat
Who is after the caged bird
Ah this could be better if ti were longer and had more emotion than say bordom. Which is what this piece makes me think about. You need to get out and live life not just let it go by. Loveage, Mike
"Within simplicity lies beauty" and I think this is certainly the case with your poem. You leave a lot for personal thought, and I personally like that. However, I would recommend you to develop your thoughts a bit more to make this even better. The reader is not clear as to why lethargy is important in your context.
I can see the good, first steps of a young poet within this interesting read. I like the original, thoughtful use of the common metafore "caged bird". I also liked the fact that it is uncomplicated and to the point. "Brevity is the soul of wit". Thank you for your honest thoughts about "Choices". I took your sugestions to heart and I deleted it so I can completely rewrite it (I didn't know it was that bad). I hope it's better next time. Thanks again.
it seems like you are being held down by something in this write. like something is slowing you down and you can escape your problems. i hope you find out what it is.
If the bird is caged, is it lethargy or depression that paralyzes the prisoner? You definitely need to flesh out this write for the sake of clarifying why you feel so numb and lifeless. Your write is a definite reflection of your energy level; it appears listless and badly needs some spark to enliven the lines (even if that fire comes from anger or frustration, it may lead to an excellent second draft). Take care and keep writing. Bill.
Submission Name: Lethargy: A Definition
