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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Little Ireland, Liverpool 1988dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Speacenik
    ASL Info:    23/f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    7.09 - 413/359/96
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 259
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1403



    Description:
       Britain wasn't a nice place to live in the 1980's if you were of Irish descent.

    SPECAIL THANKS TO STEVE, LOST SHEEP AND DANIEL BARLOW FOR ALL THEIR WONDERFUL HELP.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLittle Ireland, Liverpool 1988dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You stood then, fifteen-years-old,
    out of school and out of luck.

    Your ragged top strung
    across pubescent pectorals
    that were heavy and solid as crates,
    akin to Atlas,
    holding this imploding world
    but carrying me,
    your cousin, also.

    There where limestone levees
    swept fresh flotsam into squalid streets
    and old men
    stacked cargo,
    like years,
    against the wind.

    You rose your voice, bitter and gritty as Lancashire silt
    in flight like the hawks
    in our homeland’s North.

    ‘They’re hanging men and women
    for the wearing of the green.’

    Ecstatic, I listened.
    Protective, I massaged your neck,
    the muscle stiffened by fierce labour.

    I feared our past.

    This was the Eighties,
    and you reclaimed that isle
    our forefathers had forsaken.

    ‘Then since the colour we must wear
    is England’s cruel red’ you lamented,
    ‘sure Ireland’s songs we’ll ne’er forget’

    Suddenly men;
    twice, thrice, your age sung in chorus,
    in crescendo,
    ungainly as penguins on the picket line,
    they sang and sang and gave the world what for.





    Submitted on 2006-02-10 13:12:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This ment a lot to me because me family comes for Ireland, Me gran Da would of loved this one.
    Sel you have out done your self again. Your heart was in this one and I look forword to reading many more from you.
    Thanks ever lasting.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I've been doing a lousy job of stalking you. I've been meaning to comment on these poems for a while.

    I'll bring up my nits first...(and sorry for any repetition)

    As Frank mentioned I think it should be Atlas as Atlantis was the lost continent.

    and old man
    stacked
    cargo

    like years

    against the wind.


    It should be "old men"
    and did you edit in some space here since I think I saw this stanza as one piece and prefer it that way...the difference for me is that the phrasing of this was brilliant and made me wish I'd written it...and I was through and past before I knew what hit me. I don't think you need to arrange the words for affect at all.

    I like "forsaken better than forsook but that's a tiny thing.

    I loved the tone of this...it reminded me of watching a movie and seeing iconic images and ethnic flavors.

    Pretty simple comments for a poem that was woven with care and complexity so that it appears almost seamless.

    The conviction of those last lines was powerful.

    DB
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      The transition between stanzas 1 & 2 is a bit difficult as written. The lines themselves should be read without pause, but the natural impulse at a stanza break is to pause (even when we know we shouldn't we still do a bit).

    Maybe move the last half of line 6 to the start of stanza 2 and indent it?

    I think stanza 3 is good as is.

    Nitpicks:
    Did you mean "Atlas" in line 6?
    Should the last line have a period rather than a question mark? Could be read as either, but I more naturally read it as a statement rather than a question.

    "Wearin' O' the Green" was a nice touch. (thanks for the new vocab word Nessie). I prefer Foggy Dew - we live in a border town and I used to play it on college radio whenever the "english only" people started getting beligerant in Ontario.

    -Frank
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by FrankBlissett | [ Reply to This ]
      The perpetual sadness of entrenched cultural mistrust and prejudice (set in stone, sung in old ballads, worn as a colorful badge). This could easily translate into a multitude of repressed minorities/middle classes struggling for a decent life and some respect in the midst of an indifferent status quo. There's an inherent beauty in being part of an ancient heritage, full of poetry and heroes, that's influenced the world. (I might consider splitting the stanzas in the first half in a manner simlar to the last half). Nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      What an incredible poem. I can just imagine these cousins the one

    fifteen-years-old,
    out of school and out of luck.

    carrying the other. The 'intertextualisation' of the 'Wearing of the Green' makes an intensely emotive poem even more so. You really paint a gritty picture of the emigrant Irish and the hardship but give a impression of their pride and defiance.

    I adore that ending

    Suddenly men;
    twice, thrice, your age sung in chorus,
    in crescendo,
    ungainly as penguins on the picket line,
    they sang and sang and gave the world what for?

    I am so proud of you.
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice piece.

    I really like the way you've added the local color to the piece in a way that everyone can feel. Here I am, an American that can't even spell "colour" and I can feel the Lancashire silt.

    I don't think I would change a word, but I might be tempted to change some spacing here and there. I don't know if keeping six lines in each block is giving you anything. You might want to go a little more freeform and drop the split lines.

    An idea:
    Ecstatic, I listened.
    Protective, I massaged your neck,
    the muscle stiffened by fierce labour.

    I feared our past.

    This was the Eighties,
    you reclaimed the isle our forefathers forsook.

    ‘Then since the colour we must wear
    is England’s cruel red’ you lamented,
    ‘sure Ireland’s songs we’ll ne’er forget’

    Suddenly men;
    twice, thrice, your age sung in chorus,
    in crescendo,
    ungainly as penguins on the picket line,
    they sang and sang and gave the world what for?


    Great piece,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]



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