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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Great Hungerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Speacenik
    ASL Info:    23/f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    7.09 - 413/359/96
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 254
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1008



    Description:
       SPECIAL THANKS TO ICARUS AND LOST SHEEP

    He made the poem less preachy. It probably needs a bit of extension but it's certainly far stronger.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Great Hungerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Phantom and matriarch of all,
    she sits serene, dazed,
    akin to our Virgin Mary
    outside a decrepit dusty church,
    a bowl of blue sky
    tints her white dress
    in hues of intense misery.

    Far off, fathers, skin ruddied
    as our barren mud,
    dig graves in the crisp ground
    and boy starvelings
    eat the worms he unearths.

    Famished mothers,
    frail as sheaves of wheat,
    boil water on grit stoves,
    and warm their hands
    over the copper kettle’s steam.

    From first light to nightfall,
    our Priests lead Requiem Masses
    as whole generations
    are mothered
    into our land’s gathering dust.

    A stone hallows our fathers names.
    She is the land
    and doesn’t want to see them go,
    young men, afraid,
    of unknown shores.
    But the potato crop has failed
    and Ireland bleeds youth in ghost ships.




    Submitted on 2006-02-10 13:14:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Now you really no how to put description in a poem. I loved this and will add it to my fav's.
    It had perfect meter and the flow was nice.
    A real Gothic feel for it.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2007-11-15 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent description and imagery of a time and place when life was hard and stomach's deprived. A sad plight indeed. While reading this, one can easily feel the intense depravity of the people mentioned.

    Like LS, it makes me glad to be where I am, and to greatly appreciate what I have.

    Good writing talent, sad story.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      And you say I write emotionally. Sheeesh.

    You have an astonishing talent for these historical pieces. To be honest, I'm not as up on Irish history as I should be. Is 1840 the potato famine?

    In any event, it was obviously a time of famine and a time of great poverty. You've created images here that are just heart wrenching. The gravediggers, the starvelings, the grief stricken everywhere...

    I think I'm going to get a cup of copy and rejoice to be where I am.

    Steve

    | Posted on 2006-02-22 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      "She is the land:
    doesn’t want to see them go,"

    Here I'd be tempted to replace the colon with "and" as I felt the rhythm was stronger that way and the combination of land/and makes for a pleasing sound.

    Other than that this is a piece that resonates strongly and where the images are painful but wonderfully captured.

    "A bowl of blue sky" struck me as being particularly good and I loved the way piece just sounds Irish.

    I think the poem is one that I'd appreciate more and return to every time my knowledge of the situation was broadened.

    Excellent stuff.

    DB
    | Posted on 2006-02-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      i like how u denoted the era of 1840, half a century before this famine took place and the statues features as forseeing the inevitable doom that was about to happen as if she knew all along; touching on a mothers great sorrow for the departure and death of her children. a beautiful peice. thanx for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      so, the potatoe famine...to me it brings connotations of alan partridge and "that's what you get for being fussy eaters", but then i watch way too much of that show.

    as with all your poems there are some stunning lines, i especially liked
    "a bowl of blue sky
    tints her white dress
    in hues of intense misery."
    it has a poetic beauty which gives it an emotional punch a straight, factual description wouldn't have.

    a couple of suggestions ."But the crop is failed", should be "has failed". also, the line "they don’t want to leave" sounds a bit too blunt, something that hints, such as "young men, afriad of unknown distant shores". it's up to you, but the line just seemed a little too obvious, if you know what i mean.


    like nessie said it's certainly haunting.
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting allusion to the Potato Famine bleeding an entire generation from Ireland to England to America (and the helplessness that followed in the wake of such sad farewells). What a transfusion of generations that must have been (and waht an upheval it led to in each place it happened). Brief and beautifully written. Take care of the muse. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      A haunting poem, allusions to the church, connoting the lost crops as the Irish were forced to leave the land. Wonderful last line 'and she bleeds youth in ghost ships'.
    Terrific
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]



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