Turns To Dust by Demon_

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Submission Name: Turns To Dust dots

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Author:	Demon__666
ASL Info:	19/f/Oklahoma
Elite Ratio:	2.47 - 283/320/92
Words:	94

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	324
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	593

Description:

Turns To Dust dots

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The hurting of the pain inside dies.
And the ugliness floats to the surface.
What did I ever do to deserve this.
The ugliness becomes contagious.
Everything i touch turns to dust.
And eturnal damnation blows it away.
Nothing i can do and nothing i can say.
Can make the pain cease and decist.
Because it can only precist.
It worsens and the world is dust.
Noone can help me decist you must.
End it now, End it now
Turn your self from temptation.
Dont follow, Dont follow.
Deal with it you must.

Submitted on 2006-02-10 13:44:32 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
  I was lost,I wanted to feel you,but,yes the misspelling was a little much. I love dark poetry and can relate...I would say to step back re-read what you write and try to go slower...feeling your way through the poem.
| Posted on 2006-02-23 00:00:00 | by Jill Lynne | [ Reply to This ]
  First off... run this piece through spell-check. It brought it down a notch to come across some mispellings.

"What did ever do to deserve this."

Your use of "ever" seems to place it in a pronoun category, and this really threw me off.

Though a good write, not very original. These are themes that are common to a point of cliché. They sound nice together, but it doesn't really give me a sense of what YOU are trying to say.

A good first draft, and I do look forward to seeing what you come up with next.

Cheers!

Todd
| Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by Cigarz | [ Reply to This ]
  im scared of it. that means its good and veeeery cathartic! nice job, i like the way you do it...
| Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by ParLon | [ Reply to This ]
  i enjoyed this piece.
There was some misspelled words here and there
but it was very good. It flowed nice n it explained itself very well.
| Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by skinnard | [ Reply to This ]
  i think it was good and unique but you should put more description in it over all it was a good poem though the ryming was great and it wasnt to long or short
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by uperson | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought it was very creative it wasnt just feeding you emotions and ideas of the poem you kinda had to sit back and think about what you were reading thats a true poet
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by taintedrose16 | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked it..i liked the wording it made it sound really good..the rhyming also flowed nicely in the poem..good job!..keep up the good work!..

-Lucy- :)
| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]

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