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There were kisses quick to be the reminisence of how they met
One lost whore
And one prodigal bore
Viewing eachother through sideways glances
Across an empty room
"We are worlds," they would tell one another, "and all the rest tiny stars"
They were leaders roaming the streets to feast on the weak
Wondering how much longer they could deviously sell themselves
In a perfectly man made Hell
| Somehow we all end up trying to "sell" ourselves in one way or another, but we can only do it for so long. I like that you used a whore and a prodigal son...both sinners but both survivors...also those that Biblical teaching would have us be kindest too.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ] || oh, wow|
i enjoyed this
so real and articulate.
i sensed curiosty between the two very different people sharing a romance; if not a quick one.
"They were leaders roaming the streets to feast on the weak
Wondering how much longer they could deviously sell themselves"
this sounds like the typical 20 somethings questioning the way the world is working with them in it, the carefull tick tock rythym of everything
how long they would last?
i could be totaly off on what you were trying to convey
i dared myself to comment, i only hope i didnt slaughter it, being in a crap eighth grade english class learning absoloutly nothing
|| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ] || Not too clear what the point you are trying to make with this but this does not mean that I did not enjoy reading it the thing is that it definitely caught my attention, and I wanted to know more||| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by BrokenStream | [ Reply to This ] || I like the writing of this poem. It was a very good poem. I just don't get it's meaning. It's not the way you wrote it, it's just I'm kinda slow today. So if you would please be so kind as to inform me of it's meaning I would greatly appreciate it. you are very good with words. Nice job.|
|| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ] || Hmmm...sounds like a couple of vampires, hee-hee! I like that "worlds"/"stars" thing. brings light of support and understanding that can only make one smile. |
I enjoyed this write and like that thought that ego must be lost before love can truly be found. Very enlightening.
Thanks for sharing!
|| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] || very strong abrasive diction and imagery. I liked it quite a bit and could probably read another just like it. I just wish you would add a period on you last sentence. that drives me mad. -Ash.||| Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ] |