Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Loves Ego Lostdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kristiana
    ASL Info:    20/f/Fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 23/28/7
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 960
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 465



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLoves Ego Lostdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There were kisses quick to be the reminisence of how they met
    One lost whore
    And one prodigal bore
    Viewing eachother through sideways glances
    Across an empty room
    "We are worlds," they would tell one another, "and all the rest tiny stars"
    They were leaders roaming the streets to feast on the weak
    Wondering how much longer they could deviously sell themselves
    In a perfectly man made Hell




    Submitted on 2006-02-10 15:32:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Somehow we all end up trying to "sell" ourselves in one way or another, but we can only do it for so long. I like that you used a whore and a prodigal son...both sinners but both survivors...also those that Biblical teaching would have us be kindest too.
    jan
    | Posted on 2006-02-11 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, wow
    i enjoyed this

    so real and articulate.

    i sensed curiosty between the two very different people sharing a romance; if not a quick one.

    "They were leaders roaming the streets to feast on the weak
    Wondering how much longer they could deviously sell themselves"

    this sounds like the typical 20 somethings questioning the way the world is working with them in it, the carefull tick tock rythym of everything

    how long they would last?

    i could be totaly off on what you were trying to convey

    i dared myself to comment, i only hope i didnt slaughter it, being in a crap eighth grade english class learning absoloutly nothing
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]
      Not too clear what the point you are trying to make with this but this does not mean that I did not enjoy reading it the thing is that it definitely caught my attention, and I wanted to know more
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by BrokenStream | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the writing of this poem. It was a very good poem. I just don't get it's meaning. It's not the way you wrote it, it's just I'm kinda slow today. So if you would please be so kind as to inform me of it's meaning I would greatly appreciate it. you are very good with words. Nice job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...sounds like a couple of vampires, hee-hee! I like that "worlds"/"stars" thing. brings light of support and understanding that can only make one smile.

    I enjoyed this write and like that thought that ego must be lost before love can truly be found. Very enlightening.
    Thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      very strong abrasive diction and imagery. I liked it quite a bit and could probably read another just like it. I just wish you would add a period on you last sentence. that drives me mad. -Ash.
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    90841

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry